𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐄𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐘.

𝙖 𝙜𝙖𝙡𝙖𝙭𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙨, KUNSOL

dt. @joohunni <3
i know i have a oneshot dt. to you already, but i couldn't pass the opportunity to write kunsol ;) this may be a little shorter than my other oneshots, but it's one of my favorites! again, tysm for requesting!!

in which kun has the star tears disease, an illness born from unrequited love, where the patient cries star tears. in severe cases, patients loses their ability to see colors.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️

i've known this one guy for many years. when i realized my feelings for him, my heart skipped a beat. when i first cried for him, my heart sank. when i first realized what this endless galaxy meant, it tore me apart.

slowly, i stopped seeing colors. it started with red, my favorite color. then orange, the color of the walls that lined our favorite bakery. or yellow, the sunshine. then, i couldn't see green. or blue. i couldn't even see violet. i couldn't see the color of the flowers in my garden anymore.

i was tossed into a colorless world, just because i fell in love with someone that couldn't love me back.

"kun!!" i heard him call from behind me and my heart clenched in my chest. i could feel the stars welling up in my eyes, but i blinked them away. i can't let him see me. i can't let him see this. i slap on the best smile i could muster and turned around to see him running at me at full speed with the biggest, stupidest grin. the same one i fell so hard for.

"hey hansol," i said as he skidded to a stop in front of me. a thin layer of sweat lined his forehead as he caught his breath.

"hey, wanna hang at orange's?" he asked as he slipped his hands into his pockets, a small habit he had picked up since we were younger. "i heard ms. kang made a few new pastries for spring."

i nodded. "walk there with me?"

"actually, go there first, yeah? i needa grab yuta 'n winwin from detention," he said, giving me a boyish grin before turning away and began running again.

after he disappeared down the hall, i dropped my smile. i felt the pit in my stomach grow even more, and i couldn't help but let the stars fall. i silently released them from my eyes, watching as the sunlight reflected off of them and casting flashes of twinkling lights around me. i proceed to let them glimmer as i walked to orange's.

to be honest with you, i've grown fond of these little stars. yes, i got them due to a less favorable situation, but nonetheless, i got them because of my love for someone. call me crazy, but maybe they were a reward. whoever above saw that hansol could never love me, so instead, they blessed me with beautiful stars that could create a galaxy and take my breath away, just like hansol could.

"hey, watch out!"

i felt something ram into me and then i saw black.

wait, why can't i see anymore? i...

maybe... maybe this is for the best.

— ⭐️ —

dear qian kun,

this is my letter to you. my dearest friend, my soulmate, my muse, the one that could bring me back from my darkest nights and bring forth the light in me and the others around you. and the most important, the love of my life.

i've tried to make peace with the fact that you're no longer with us, but... every time i look at something, i think of you. every time i pass through the park, i see the flowers and think back to how much you loved your flower garden. i look at the sky and remember how much you loved the sunshine, the rain, the hail, and the snow. i breathe and i remember how i lived for you. you were my air kun. and now that you're gone, i don't know how to breathe anymore.

i remember the first and last time i ever lost myself to the darkness. i sat on my bathroom floor with the bottle of pills in my hand, and you walked in. it wasn't even on purpose. i forgot that you came over to study and you needed to go pee, and you walked in on me trying to end my life. you practically almost kill me yourself as you flushed the pills down the toilet. after your fit, you sat down with me on the tiled floor and stared crying without any warning. and then suddenly, i started crying. we sat there and cried for a while, like the lunatics we are.

i miss that. i miss you. i wish i could hold you right now kun. you had so much to live for. i wish god would've taken me instead. i love you, and i'm sorry i couldn't say that sooner. i'm sorry i could never hold you and tell you how much you mean to me. i'm so sorry i couldn't be by your side like you were always by mine.

forever your's,
ji hansol