soulmate | lee minhyuk [COMPLETED]

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"retrace my lips
erase your touch
it's all too much for me
blow away
like smoke in air
how can you die carelessly?" —billie eillish, six feet under

four months, four long months of being away from minhyuk. every week that passed by was daggers to my heart. he was getting weaker and weaker, and by the third month his voice was hoarse and his eyes were almost closed. i hated that i wasn't next to him.

on our flight back home, i couldn't keep myself from fiddling and being paranoid. i didn't sleep a wink. not a wink.

as my family unpacked at home, i ran, as fast as i could to the train station. i didn't change my clothes or shower, i just wanted to see him. so, so badly.

while on the train, minhyuk's mother called again.

"eomoni. i'm on my way there, please tell minhyuk that i'm coming, i'm in-"

"miyoung."

i didn't listen to her, the tone in her voice was unsettling. i remember scrambling through my head for ideas.

"eomoni does he want anything? can you ask him? i might stop by some convenience store-"

"m-miyoung!" she yelled from the other line.

i stopped talking.

"he's gone."

my world crashed down at two words.

he's gone

he's gone

he's gone

i felt numb, i sprinted to the hospital right as the doors on the train opened. i refused to let the tears out, i didn't believe it. i didn't buy it.

with heavy breaths i remember gripping my phone and looking for minhyuk's mother at every floor. i found her at the fifth.

"miyoung." she was surprised to see me.

i took heavy steps towards her and through gritted teeth, i asked her, "where is he?"

she didn't look tired, she looked well rested in fact. but her clothes were disheveled and they looked like they hadn't been changed in days. her hair was messy too.

she simply looked beside us and i froze at the sight.

god, i remember it so clearly.

a body, laying on a metal bed with a white sheet covering it like a blanket.

i but the tears back and clenched my fists. i tried to act strong, walking in. i followed minhyuk's mother as she walked on the other side.

i remember my hands shaking right as she touched the cloth.

she pulled it towards her, careful and slow.

and there he was.

my minhyuk.

his face, his whole body. it was pale. i remember dropping my phone and my knees wobbling. I couldn't breathe. i couldn't hold the tears back anymore at that point.

i trembled, i screamed, i wailed and cried. i remember...i remember thinking it was a dream, a nightmare.

"m-minhyuk." i remember saying his name.

over, and over.

"minhyuk. minhyuk, love? wake up."

i touched him, he was cold as ice.

"minhyuk wake up!" i started shaking him as my eyes blurred with tears.

i vividly remember kneeling on the ground and losing all the energy left in my body. i held onto his hands, his cold veiny hands. lifeless.

"stay with me, please please." i looked up at him from the floor. my legs felt like jelly trying to stand up.

and it was that day. i lost lee minhyuk, the love of my life.

until the funeral, i still couldn't comprehend what was happening, but i had to keep it together. a speech for him.

"today we mourn over a lost loved one. a son, a friend, a boyfriend."

tears clouded my eyes and I couldn't read what i wrote. i crumpled it up and closed my eyes. gripping the violets in my hands,  i went impromptu.

"minhyuk. he was the best person you could ever ask for. he was sweet to his parents, sweet to mine, sweet to me, sweet to everybody. he was..."

i remember stopping at that moment. it hurt to describe him in past tense when I didn't believe he was gone.

"he is...he is the person i love most in the world. in so many ways more than one. lee minhyuk is the love of my life. i could live a hundred more lives if i could spend it with him. i still can't believe that this is happening. i want him to wake me up and tell me that it's a dream..." i looked at his closed coffin. i wondered why i couldn't see his face before he got buried, but i didn't ask. i knew that it would be too painful anyway.

"but i guess this is reality. it pains me that i wasn't there beside him. so many months, i-" i started crying.

i remember my sister coming to approach me but i wanted to continue.

"i love you lee minhyuk. i always will. someday i'll meet you again, we just have to wait."

and there, after the summer of 2017, i lost him. forever.