SOLACE

twenty-one

Kai stopped in front of our house. In an instant, I felt nervous. I didn't know how to act. As, I removed the helmet from my head, Kai looked at me.

"We can leave, Dela," He says slowly, observing my reaction as I stood still in front of our house. The lights inside were open and it was quiet.

"No, it's fine. I'm fine," I blinked before I gazed at him, waiting for him to hop off his motorcycle.

I proceeded to walk towards our front door and I felt my hands becoming sweaty as I hear every beat of my heart pounding. I didn't notice Kai already opened the door and Mom was seated on the stool in the kitchen.

Our house felt empty, it was still how we left it. Not a lot of furnitures left but our Mom changed. She had had her hair combed neatly and her clothes looked new. She was drinking a glass of red wine when we saw her.

She didn't look drunk yet, though. She immediately stood up to come towards us and I froze when she hugged me. I couldn't move my hands and I could smell the scent of the wine from her and some perfume. It felt overwhelming receiving a hug from her and I fought the urge to release my tears.

"Adeline, you're home! I missed you," She exclaimed after releasing me from the hug.

"Yeah, we're home," I replied, giving her a small smile as I glanced at Kai, who she didn't even looked at.

"Have you eaten yet? I'm sorry. There's no food here since, I haven't gone to the grocery yet," She laughs and now I see that she's a bit tipsy with her wine.

"It's okay, Mom. I guess we'll just take a rest." I politely gave her a smile once again before we passed behind her.

"Okay, you rest well then," She replies before Kai and I went up the stairs.

I tried not to overthink what the next few days would be like being back home and being with her again. I was surprised to see her look normal again. I was even more surprised when she hugged me which, never even happened ever since I grew up and became a teenager.

I already changed into my pajamas when Kai barged in my room again. He had his hair tied into a small bun with some hair still hanging on his nape. He also changed his clothes into a black oversized shirt with a print on it and shorts.

He just passed through me and went straight to my window as he sits on the window sill. I observed him as he lights a cigarette in his hand and inhales it.

He only looked back to me to offer a cigarette, which I declined. He hides a smirk on his lips and chuckles sarcastically at me.

"I'm trying to completely stop smoking," I muttered while I roll my eyes at him.

"Is that the influence of that guy, Henry has on you?" He had an amused smile while he looked at me as I scowled at him and snatched the cigarette from his fingers.

I inhaled the smoke until it reached my lungs and blow it out to his face.

"You'd never understand," I chuckled as I shook my head. I took one last drag before I returned the cigarette to him.

He remained silent as he was thinking deeply, looking at the sky. I suddenly wondered if he has ever been in love or even liked someone before. He seemed like he didn't even have time for those, he was too serious.

"Have you ever liked someone?" I hesitatingly asked as I sat beside him and the wind tickling my bare feet.

I looked at him, smoking his cigarette as he looked down at his feet. I thought he wouldn't answer. So, I looked away.

"Everyone hates me. I'm just trying to survive," He chuckles bitterly.

I wondered what made him feel like that. Clearly, having a girlfriend is not his priority. I get it, maybe he was scared to get close to someone. Afraid of attachments. He seems to be hard to read at first but when you get to know him, you'll just know.

"Not everybody, okay? I'm really thankful I at least have you in this world," I whispered. I bit my lower lip and avoided his eyes.

Amidst all our petty arguments and him pushing me away, I was still thankful I had him with me. I don't even know how I will live if I was an only child. I don't know what would happen if he wasn't there every time Mom hurt me.

"You're not dying yet, aren't you?" He suddenly replied. I glared at him before I lightly hit his arm.

"I was serious, Kai," I huffed.

"I would say the same but I'm not like that," He says with a smug look on his face.

After that, he just smoked another cigarette and left my room. I turned off my lights and tried to sleep. It felt weird sleeping without Henry. Without his soft murmurs to my ear and the soft rubs that he gave me.

I changed my sleeping position several times before I thought of an idea. I took Henry's hoodie from my closet and slipped it on. I went to my bed and smelled Henry's scent from his hoodie. Is this healthy? Am I still a normal person?

It lessened my agitation but it still wasn't enough. I took my phone and sent a text message to Henry saying hi and I waited for him to reply, it was already 12 AM. He's probably asleep.

I was about to return my phone but then he called. I instantly answered it and pressed the phone to my ear.

"Are you okay, Adeline?" He spoke and I could hear the panic in his voice.

"I'm fine, Henry," I chuckled while I stared at the ceiling. "Why aren't you asleep yet?" I asked him.

"How can I sleep knowing you could be at harm anytime? I'm just afraid I won't be there again,"

"I'm okay, Henry. She hugged me today and I'm just trying to sleep now. I don't want you worrying always," I tried reassuring him.

"Do you need anything?" He mutters in a low voice.

"Uhm, I just wanted to hear your voice," I softly say.

"I wish I was there with you right now," He replies which made me smile and felt my cheeks warming.

I hate to say it, but I definitely couldn't see him as just a friend anymore and I know these feelings are going to take a toll on me sooner or later.

That night, I fell asleep with Henry's voice being the last thing that I heard.