Alter Ego Oneshots, Headcannons, and other Shenanigans

Shitpost

Just. I have no words and it's almost 2:00 AM. So uh. Go ahead and read.

-

Bing: I wanna do something stupid.
Chase: I'm stupid, do me.
Everyone else:
Chase: Did I say that out loud?

*Beep*

Anti: You got this Henrik! All you gotta do is say 'Shut up and suck my dick.' To Chase with a serious face.
Henrik: *Sigh* Zat'z not pozzzible.
Anti: We have to get this video done!
Henrik: *Sighs and looks at Chase with a serious face* Zut up and zu- nope- *Bursts out laughing*
Anti: GODDAMN IT HENRIK!

*Beep*

*Before Dark found out Wilford was The Colonel*
Dark: What master do you serve?
Wilford: What master do I serve? What am I s'posed to say Jesus?
Dark:
Dark: You're an ego?
Wilford: I'm not an ego I'm from WKM.
Dark: Yeah, those are egos dipshit, what are you hassling on us for?
Google: So you're not with Markiplier?
Wilford: With Markiplier?
Dark:
Google:
Wilford:
Wilford: No!

*Beep*

Henrik: Zo, vat do you vant to eat?
Anti: The souls of the innocent!
Chase: A bagel.
Anti: What? No!
Chase: ...two bagels.

*Beep*

Dark: Name three ways that could ruin a first date.
InFelix: Uh- uh- shitting my pants
Blank: Saying I love you
Anti: Killing her.
Dark:
InFelix: whEEZE-
Dark: Did this happen?

*Beep*

Chase: Dis a doc
Henrik: > w 0
Chase: Dis a glitch
Anti: '¡-¡
Chase: Dis a zomb
Robbie: UwU
Chase: Dis a bot
Bingsepticeye: •w•
Chase: Dis a toon
Shawn: '(• ) . (• ) ?
Chase: Dis a hero
Jackie: ÙwÚ
Chase: Dis a magic
Marvin: 0w0
Chase: Dis-a-pointment
Henrik: Chaze nO-

*Beep*

In Septicscape-

Anti: I'm Henrik's baby.
Henrik: Y-you're what?
Anti: I'm Henrik's baby.
Henrik: *Fatherly tear* You're my baby?
Anti: Yeah.
Henrik: UwU
Anti: And I'm fucking cute.
Henrik: Uh-

*Beep*

Jackie: Hey Marv?
Marvin: Yeah?
Jackie: I found this little yellow thing and I don't think it means well.
Marvin thinking it's (somehow) Flowey or one of the Googles: Oh god- wait oh no dear god- wait... I- uh- I don't know what that is.
Bill Cipher: Howdy fellas-

*Beep*

*Septics falling into the underground*
Anti: The fuck?
Marvin, a fan: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! WE'RE IN UNDERTALE!
Anti: Well, there's three routes right?
Marvin: Yes?
Anti: I vote Genocide.
Henrik: Anti nO-

*Beep*

Robbie: Robbie... wants... quickie...
Anti: *Spits out drink*
Anti: What?!
Robbie: The... egg... food...
Anti: Robbie you mean quiche-

*Beep*

*The Crayon Songs gets ruined*

Red - Roman
Orange - (Unintroduced Side/???)
Yellow - Remy
Green - Janus
Blue - Patton
Purple - Virgil
Brown - Emile Picani
White - Logan
Black - Remus

Roman: Hello kids, I'm the color red! And I brought my friends to teach you 'bout them. They're the colors of all the things you see and red is me, the color of awesome things! Like hearts, and roses, and mars. But most importantly, love love love love love!
Remus: Blood, blood, blood, blood, blood.
Everyone else: Hooray!
???: Hi I'm orange like mac and cheese. Let's name other orange things now if you please. You got pumpkins and tigers and the desert sand. Monarch butterflies
Remus. Prescription bottles.
???: Are your orange friends. La la la la la la, cheese!
Remus: Pills!
Everyone else: Hooray!
???: What are you doing?
Remus: What I was born to do.
Remy: As you can probably guess, yellow's pretty fun!
Remus: Jaundice!
Remy: You can find it on a bus or the rays from the sun!
Remus: Jaundice!
Yellow: If you ask me, yellow's number one!
Remus: Liver failure.
Remy: If you like yellow and sour,
Remus: Jaundice!
Remy: Then try a lemon.
All except Remus: Jaundice!
Remy: Dang it!
Janus: I once ate a bug that was the color green. But the ER said it was a poisonous thing. So that explains why I threw up green and inside that green there were chunks of green. I bet you wish you hadn't listened to green. Hooray!
Remy: Hooray!
Patton: Why didn't you change that one?
Remus: I like that verse.
Patton: The ocean is a place where many creatures live,
Remus: Nightmares.
Patton: It's the deep blue sea and it's mysterious.
Remus: And it'll kill you to death. Especially if you are on Titanic, so let that sink in.
Remus: Pun intended.
Janus: Hooray.
Remy: Hooray.
Virgil: Don't blow this for us man! Come on! Purple is the color of many pretty things from a lilac- *tazed*
All except Patton and Remus: *screaming*
Patton: Dude! Dude!
All except Patton, Remus, and Emile: *screaming*
Virgil: *crawls away*
Janus: Hooray!
Logan: Janus!
Emile: I guess it's my turn. There are brown things like dirt. I, uh, can't remember the words. Please don't hurt... me. *Tazed*
All except Janus: *screaming*
Janus: Hooray.
Logan: (I have to get that taser.)
Logan: White things include-
Remus: All broken bones.
Logan: And doves and paper-
Remus: And rabies' foam.
Logan: There's ivory!-
Remus: Worth a lot of money. If you want to buy some, then email me.
Janus: Hooray, hooray.
Remus: Black is the color of emptiness. I feel it in my soul 'cause I'm an emotional mess.
Virgil: *screaming and running towards Remus*
All except Patton and Janus: *screaming*
Virgil: Take care of that body! Shove him up a kid's nose or something.
Logan: Back to normal!
All (that are conscious): Hooray!

*Beep*

Wilford: *Chu*
Dark: What was that?
Wilford: Affection.
Dark: Gross.
Dark:
Dark: Do it again.

*Beep*

Wilford: Are you a big spoon, or a little spoon?
Anti: I'm a knife.
Dark: He's a little spoon.

*Beep*

Chase: Hey Hen, you want the last muffin?
Henrik: Ja.
Chase: You want the last muffin?
Henrik: Ja?
Chase: You want the last muffin?
Henrik: JA!
Chase: Will you go on a date with me?
Henrik! JA!
Henrik:
Henrik: Vait...

*Beep*

Chase: What if, instead of milk, I put Vodka in my Cereal.
Henrik: *Grabbing the Vodka* vhat if ja didn't?

*Beep*

Google: Bing, why is there a normal carrot in the bag of baby carrots?
Bing:
Bing: They needed adult supervision?

*Beep*

Google: Wilford, how do you ask someone out?
Wilford: Oh! What yo-
Dark: No don't ask him.
Dark: He asked me out in a McDonald's Bathroom.
Google:
Google: And you said yes?

*Beep*

Henrik: Zo vhat do ve zay vhen ve are zad?
Chase and/or Anti: Eat some spaghetti, stop being upsetti.
Henrik: No-

*Beep*

Okay bye.