On top of the world

Started From the Bottom

I love heights.

Jumps have always been my favorite element to do, even though they do hurt the most. Perhaps it's because jumps don't have to look as pretty as spins or footwork do. Believe it or not, all three types of elements (jumps, spins and footwork) require a lot of effort. But on top of working hard for the spins and footwork, you also have to look graceful as well. 

However, as I have grown and matured in the artistic sport of figure skating, I realized that every element in the program was important. They may not be equivalent in base value, but executing each element with high quality really helped me to improve on my scores with each successive competition.

Now that I didn't have to worry about the Lutzes in my programs anymore, I could focus on improving the quality of all my other elements. David Wilson, the choreographer who worked with many of Brian's students, tweaked my choreography here and there to better showcase more of my skating style, which was still evolving.

I still had some trouble with bending my knees low enough to get a lot of momentum across the ice without leaning too much at the waist. Yuzuru and Javi were the best models for deep knee bend, so I watched them skate often. Sometimes, I'd catch Yuzuru's eye while he was doing run-throughs of his program, and I would avert my eyes as soon as that happened. When I'd look up again, he'd either be smirking or frowning, or he'd already have his back turned towards me. I didn't know what to think of us anymore. And obviously, I had no idea what he was thinking.

The zamboni driver opened the doors, which meant it was time for us to leave the ice. I left as quickly as I could in order to avoid Yuzuru, but somehow he finished his ending rituals quicker than usual and materialized next to me as soon as I put on my blade guards.

"Hey," he called to me, grabbing my shoulder. I almost forgot how strong he was despite his wiry frame, and I was feeling kind of pooped from learning and executing the revised choreo today. The force of his touch made me whirl around to him and headbutt his chest. Ouch.

I fought back tears, which were forming mostly due to embarassment. "Sorry Yuzuru, I don't have time to chat now--" He cut me off when he lifted my chin. My walls were about to crumble. I willed myself to not fall apart in front of him and stared straight into his black orbs.

He seemed surprised to see me like this, as if he didn't know the pain he had caused me. I knew it was unintentional, but it still hurts. Perhaps he thought I was stronger than I really was.

"You okay?" Yuzuru asked me cautiously. "You look like you need a hug."

This sweet, beautiful boy knew so much and so little at the same time. He was offering a short term solution to the long term heartache that he caused. 

I pursed my lips. I do need a hug, but from him? I could easily go to Javi or Nam for one, or I would even be patient enough to wait until I got back to Katya's apartment so I could get one from Katya (even if she didn't want to hug me, I would force her to). 

"You mad at me?" Yuzuru whispered. I swear that I could hear genuine fear in his voice.

That did it for me.

I flung my arms around him, taking in his scent, his feelings, his everything. "I tried!" I confessed. "I tried to stay away from you because you're bad for me and I'm bad for you but at the same time you're good for me and I need you--"

"Whoa!" Yuzuru pulled me off of him and put his hands on my shoulders. "Slow down!" he said while laughing.

I took a deep breath. "I'm not mad at you."

Yuzuru smiled, visibly relieved. "So what are you to me? We still friends?"

I shrugged. I could lie and say yes, or I could tell him the truth and receive the inevitable answer. I didn't know which option to choose.