Hide Behind Trouble - Kellic

18. What's the Point

The next few days I spent in the hospital I spent with Vic. I didn't want to leave him, he was safe. I slept the most I'd ever had in those two days, laying in Vic's protective arms.

Sunday, my parents signed the discharge papers. The doctors had continuously thrown out the option of anti depressants, but I turned them down each time. My mother understood my not wanting to, and allowed it.

I acted the same, as if it hadn't happened. As if I'd been in the hospital for two weeks because I broke my leg or something. Everything was fine, I had to make everyone think I was fine again.

Vic didn't want to leave me. He wanted to stay over, or have me come over, but I don't think my parents would allow me going out later than nine, even if I was with Vic.

I got home, ready to take a shower and sleep for another ten hours, but instead I was welcomed with the shouts and hugs of Alex and Jack.

"What the fuck man?!" Jack screeched. "You just disappeared for two weeks!" Did they not know? I guess my parents kept it under wraps, thank god. Oli kept a distance, watching us all catch up, and giving me a look. We're talking later.

"So what happened?" Rian asked. "Your parents said you went to the hospital, didn't tell us why. Said you'd be there for a bit. God, it was so bland without you, except Jack who didn't shut the fuck up."

I snorted. "Typical." Jack elbowed me, the rest eyeing me for an answer. "Well uh, I hit my head, got a concussion. But hey, I'm back now!"

Oli was still quiet, staring at me. He knew, he had to. Just peachy.

"I always knew you were stupid clumsy," Jordan said.

"Wow, thanks for the love man."

"Alright boys, it's getting late," my mother interrupted us.

"Aw, come on, Kellin just got out!" Alex whined.

"It's a school night. You'll see each other tomorrow, but Kellin's gotta settle in." I was honestly glad my mother rushed in, I loved my friends, but god they got annoying quick. Especially when I was away from them for so long, I forgot how cheerful they were.

"Fine, see you later Kell!" They all called, walking out. Oli stayed behind, still staring at me.

"You gonna talk, or what?" I questioned.

He glanced at my mom, who nodded and left the room. "So you got a concussion?" He sat next to me.

"Yep. Skateboarding for the first time, man, that wall was thick."

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me?" He asked angrily. "If you were feeling that way you could've talked to me. I'm here for you, I've always been, I thought you knew that." There was obvious pain in his voice, guilt.

"O-Oli I'm sorry, but-"

"How long?" He cut me off.

"Huh?"

"How long did you want to.. y'know?"

I shrugged. "Awhile. I thought about death, not necessarily wanting to die, just the concept itself, when I was about ten. Then it kind of.. progressed, as other things piled up. So I guess, twelve, maybe?"

Oli sighed, running a hand through his hair and staring at the ground. "Your parents didn't want us to visit you, to keep it a secret and all, thought you'd want that. But I didn't get it, I didn't care. You were in the hospital so I was gonna visit you. I found out where and.. You were laying there, asleep, a bandage around your head and the doctors told me what happened. You're so fucking lucky to be alive."

I bit my tongue, not wanting to worry Oli with I wouldn't call that luck. I just nodded, taking it in. I'd been so close to death, but something had to ruin it. Typical.

"What made you want to?" Oli asked.

I shrugged. "I don't.. know. Life, I guess. It got boring, useless. What's the fucking point when everything's a task and I'm asking how I'll get through the week. What's the point when you loath yourself so much.." I trailed off, realizing I'd said enough. I'd never voiced it before, it was all stuck in my head for five years while everyone thought I was just the stuck up principal's son. I couldn't tell whether it felt good or not. Telling someone why you're fucked up, if there really is a reason, is both relieving and terrifying. Wow, good job, all that hard work of tricking everyone. But in this case that didn't matter, I guess. They already knew everything, except why.

"You should go home," I said after a moment of silence. "It's late, my mom could drive you home."

"No, Josh was gonna pick me up. I'm spending the night at his..," he mumbled.

"Oh?" I wiggled my eyebrows. "How has your relationship been going?"

"I- Fine. We're not gonna do that Kellin," he said and looked down, his face a fucking tomato.

I nudged him. "You sure?"

A car honked outside and Oli stood quickly. "Well, that's him. See you later!"

"I want details!" I shouted as he left.

"Alright Kellin, bed," my mom ordered. Sighing, I got up and retreated back to my room. God, how I missed my comfy bed over the hospital rooms. It was a relatively bland room, but it was home. So staring at the ceiling that night, in my own bed, was comforting. Maybe there isn't much a point to life, but at least there are a few good things. Like my room, like my friends. Like Vic.

~_~_~_~

nO iM NoT lEtTInG YoU kIlL a cHiPmUnK

Where did we get the name chipmunk and hedgehog and other shit

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Anyways

All these fics are ending
I binged this hella fucked up fic yesterday and then an hour later someone posts the final chapter to a fic I really loved and so many more are coming to an end

Well uh don't die