I'm Not Dead

[ C H . 1 8 ]

We didn't get the chance to beat Mateo at Go-Fish. 

By the time we found him, he was deeply invested in playing Kinect Sports on the XBOX in the employee lounge with Lorenzo. Fortunately, Alice was content sitting on the plush couch with me as we played. She got bored after two rounds, so I taught her a couple of other games like Slap-Jack and BS. Occasionally we would yell at Lorenzo and Mateo to be quiet, but for the most part the remainder of the evening was peaceful. 

After a light dinner of ham sandwiches, chips, and little cups of low-quality ice cream for dessert—we spent a couple more hours messing around in the employee break room before mom sent us to bed.

I hated sharing a room with all the five of my siblings. It made me miss the times Lorenzo was my only roommate because he was quieter than Mateo and the girls. They'd giggle, argue, and talk nonsense while Lorenzo and I tried to settle down for the night. Normally Eleanor would join in on their banter, but tonight she hid under her covers in silent contemplation. Evie, Mateo, and Alice though were a pain in the ass. Finally, after telling them to shut up a dozen times, they tired themselves out and went to sleep.

I hated sleeping sober.

My body resisted shut-eye out of fear of my impending nightmares. Each time I closed my eyes, no matter how good of a day it was, I would always wake up in a cold sweat, with a hole in my chest. The nightmares had started before the apocalypse, but got worse after the night of the outbreak. 

Blood splattered, mangled bodies, faces I'd never see again, searing pain that left me with scars, the screams—it was all there. Last year when I was seeing a therapist, she told me my nightmares were so vivid because all the feelings and emotions I repressed were trying to come out. She wanted me to work through it, to feel all of it, but I bought a bottle of liquor instead.

The only reason I was able to sleep now, was because one of the Doctors gave me melatonin to help me relax. They didn't want to sedate me, but they didn't want me to be sleep deprived either. I needed to be well-rested and as healthy as possible for the experiments so the results would be accurate.

Even with the dosage he gave me though, I was still a light sleeper and jerked awake when I felt the cold palm of a soft hand grip my mouth.

Gasping, I let out a strangled sound as my eyes shot open. My vision was foggy from being jolted awake, but I could see the outline of my mother as she hovered over me. Pressing a shaky finger to her lips, she slowly pulled her hand off my face as I sat up. The bedroom was dark, the tv was off and I could hear the steady breathing of my siblings echo across the room. 

It was late.

"Mom?" I whispered, creasing my brows. "What are you doing?"

Sitting on the bed next to me, she glanced warily over her shoulder before lowering her face so she could speak without being heard. "I need you to help me wake up your siblings and get them dressed." A tremor resided in her voice. "We have to go,"

Feeling my groggy limbs go tense with apprehension, I reached out and gripped her shoulder. I could tell by the lack of color in her face that she was unnerved. "Why? What's wrong?" I asked, my words so quiet, it felt more like I was mouthing them.

She took a shaky breath, placing her hand over mine. The touch eased my tension a little but seemed to increase hers. "Linda came to talk with me earlier, she told me the results of the experiments aren't what they hoped."

Fuck. 

So, Linda's unease earlier was serious, otherwise, I'd still be asleep. 

I knew I should've followed her.