I'm Not Dead

[ C H . 2 1 ]

I'm not sure how long we drove for, but we did drive long enough for the smoke and fire to fade into streetlights and quiet roads. Occasionally our truck would barrel past a few Jokers but they made little effort to chase us. In an attempt to protect ourselves from the cold, we huddled together and wrapped ourselves in the blankets. 

It seemed like Lorenzo intended on driving all night. It wasn't until we hit a secluded forest backroad that Lorenzo finally pulled the dump truck to the side of the road. A moment later, we heard his door slam shut. The echo of it closing sounded like a dinner bell.

"What is he doing?" Evie asked, groggily sitting up from the pile of blankets she had fashioned into a pillow.

Sitting up as well, Eleanor nudged Mateo off her lap and stood up. "I don't know, I'll go find out." She made a sweeping gesture across the bed of the truck. "Try to stay quiet and be vigilant." She whispered, before hooking her leg over the side of the truck and hopping out into the dark landscape.

Snapping out of the thoughtless, empty daze I'd been consumed in, I lifted Alice off of me before sitting up as well. Silently, I threw my legs over the wall and slipped out of the truck bed after El. The last thing I needed was her or Lorenzo getting eaten or swarmed. I don't know how well those things respond to noise, but I have no doubt if any were nearby they could hear us.

Upon slipping out of the truck bed, I saw Lorenzo sitting on the ground with his head in his hands as Eleanor took a seat next to him and laid her head on his shoulder. I could tell by the way his upper body quivered that he was crying.

Doing a quick scope of the dark landscape, I dared to walk over to Lorenzo and squatted down in front of him. Biting my lip hard, I reached out a hand and gripped his shoulder. "Are you okay?" I asked, unsure what else to say. Obviously, he wasn't okay, but I wasn't in the best place right now to decipher his emotional state. I barely had a grasp on mine.

Looking up at me, I saw his eyes were red and swollen with perspiration as a look of defeat pulled down his face. "She's gone...mom's gone..." sucking a ragged breath through his teeth, Lorenzo then pulled up his knees and buried his face against them.

My eyes burned with unshed tears as my chest grew heavy. Unfortunately, I didn't have the capability for compassion right now. We had to keep moving. We didn't put enough space between us and the soldiers. They could still track us. For all we knew, they were right behind us. Just because we saw the fires and Jokers didn't mean they weren't able to get control of the situation. "I'm fully aware she's gone Lorenzo, but we don't have time to focus on that right now. We need to keep moving. It's cold. We're going to freeze if we don't find somewhere warm and secure."

He shook his head, releasing another sob. "I can't keep driving...I don't know where to go..."

Sucking in a sharp breath, I then gripped his shirt before yanking him upwards. "None of us know where we're going, but we don't have time to stop. We need to keep driving, you need to keep driving! That's the best thing you can do for yourself right now!" I scolded, done with his shit. If I wasn't allowed to mourn right now, neither was he. There would be time for that later.

"You don't know what's best for me!" He snapped, shoving me as he jumped to his feet.

Surprised, I stumbled back. "I'm pretty sure I do and throwing tantrum right now ain't it!"

Quickly, Eleanor grabbed his arm before he could shove me again. "Cut it out, Lorenzo!"

Grabbing her arm in turn, he shoved her off him. "You don't know jack shit, Rocco!"

"If I don't know jack shit then why are you alive right now?" I shot back, digging my heels into the ground in case he decided to shove me again.

Instead, his hands found their way to my shirt and he gripped the fabric with a scowl. "You don't get to hold New York or the Gypsy Lounge over me! The only reason I was in those situations was because of you! You act like you have all the answers and that only you know the right way to do things when you're the last person we should be listening to!"