Come and Rescue Me

Rescue me

The walls are coming closer
My senses fade away
I'm haunted by your shadow
I reached to feel your face
You're not here
Are you here?
Come and rescue me
Rescue me
You and Me

- Rescue me by Tokio Hotel

Chapter 16 - Rescue me

Mickey didn't sleep the whole night.
It was the day after he had seen Ian in his little cell – even though prison cells were probably more comfortable than that room. Today they were supposed to get to the court room in the afternoon.

So far Mickey had thrown up, had a panic attack, cried for an hour, talked to Sandy over the phone for two hours while crying his heart out.

He looked at himself in the mirror. It was almost time to go down to the court room. He looked at his reflection, a scared, broken boy looking back at him.

"Look at you", he said to himself, "Fucking coward! Got nothing better to do than to wail around while your boyfriend gets beaten half to death"

He took a deep breath, "It should be you", he growled at his reflection, "The next one to die because of you, how many more will there be?!"

He stared at himself, at the pale boy with reddened eyes, the pathetic terrified mess who just let his lovers die one by one without doing anything about it.

He felt violent anger pulsating through his body, and he brought his fist hard against the mirror. The mirror broke into small pieces, the glass cut his tattooed knuckles. He barely flinched or grimaced, it was nothing against the pain Ian had to go through... Dimitri, Angus... all because of him.

Someone knocked on the door.
"Fuck off!", he yelled.
"It's me", Mandy's voice came from outside of the door, "We're supposed to go to the court room now, Mickey, are you coming?"

Mickey exhaled deeply and took a towel to wipe his face and bloody knuckles.
He left the room and joined Mandy, he held his head low so she wouldn't see his reddened eyes right away.

"What did you do to your hand?", Mandy asked.
"Nothing", he growled, "Mind your own business."

They kept walking in silence until they reached the court room and took their places next to Iggy.

Mickey hated this room. How often did he stand in this very spot and saw someone being executed? Every single time, because Terry knew, it would make all of them accomplices to the crime. Because Terry wanted to assert dominance, scare people.

The first time he remembered to be in this room, he was seven. He remembered how shocked he was when they dragged in his mother. How he cried when Terry shot her dead.

He remembered how shocked he was when they dragged in Dimitri. How his heart broke when Terry shot him dead.

He remembered how shocked he was when they dragged in Angus Field. How he truly felt like a bad person when Terry shot him dead.

But now he knew who would be dragged into the room in a minute. He knew who would be shot, he knew who would die – and that hurt even more.

He let his head hang low and he felt like people were staring at him... as if his brothers and father to his right were all watching him, when Ian was dragged into the room and shoved to the ground in front of Terry. Mickey looked up to look at Ian.

At least he didn't seem to be much worse than yesterday. His left eye was swollen and black and blue, he almost couldn't spot a single freckle because of the bruises and the blood on his face.

He remembered Dimitri and Angus sitting in the same spot Ian sat at now, and Mickey really felt like the biggest evil in the room.

He brought them here, all of them. They were innocents that all died because of him. And maybe Dimitri had said, he didn't regret him, but Mickey could bet, that Dimitri wanted something else out of life than dying for a crime he didn't commit at age 18.