BABYDOLL // JJ Outer Banks

thirty-nine

over the next few days, the hospital room had quickly become jj's second home. when he wasn't sat beside hannah's bed, he was in her bathroom or getting food from the vending machine down the hall with quarters the nurses gave him. the rest of the pogues had come to visit a few times, but often didn't stay long as jj usually got antsy when he wasn't in the room with hannah; although, she'd been in stable condition following her surgery from the days prior. the rest of the pogues had been astonished when jj had told them he'd paid the hospital bill, but none of them had the guts to ask about the stacks of motel room cash that had disappeared mysteriously from the bottom of his bag.

only when it had become clear to him that the odds of hannah waking up when he was gone were quite slim, he'd allowed himself to leave the hospital. today, he'd actually gone to go retrieve some things from the chateau and was now on his way back.

jj peaked his head through the hospital doors before slowly making his way into the building. his backpack was resting against his chest, one strap looped over his shoulder while his arms held it securely against him. after taking a few cautious glances around the room, he stiffly walked towards hannah's room, trying his best to avoid any unnecessary attention. when he finally made it inside, jj let out a breath of relief as he firmly shut the door. he stayed in that position for a few minutes, only briefly looking up to see if hannah had moved since he'd left her a few hours earlier, but nothing.

"i'm back," jj sighed, taking his seat beside her and awkwardly clearing his throat before continuing. "i brought someone to see you." he quickly unzipped the bag to pull a panting pogie into his arms. "he missed you, and i figured you probably miss him too, so i thought i'd sneak him in. i don't think the nurses will mind; they've been really nice about everything." jj watched as pogie leaned his head onto the mattress and began to gently lick hannah's limp hand.

after a few moments, pogie stopped to look at jj, as though to ask him why she wasn't doing anything. jj offered the dog a sad smile, and softly pet his head before turning his attention back to hannah.

the three sat in silence for a while, pogie napping soundly on the floor as jj drew intricate patterns on hannah's hands, occasionally pausing to press a kiss to her knuckles. he let his gaze sweep over her. she'd gotten immensely better within the past few days. her tanned skin had regained its natural warm glow, and the doctors had actually removed the bandages around her arms and legs since they'd treated all the injuries she'd sustained in the past week or so. she'd recovered most of her strength, so it was only a matter of time before she woke up. jj didn't notice when the first tear fell, or the second, or the ones that followed— all he knew was that he needed her back. hysterical sobs tore through his body as he buried his face into her side, soaking the thin material of her hospital gown.

"i'm sorry," he cried. "babydoll, please come back to me. nothing makes sense without you here. i've barely slept, and the only time i eat is when the pogues or the nurses force me to eat one of those chocolate cliff bars from the vending machine. it just doesn't feel fair that i get to live when you're here, oblivious to what's happening. and i miss you. i fucking miss everything about you. i miss hearing your voice, seeing you smile, everything. i'd give anything to even hear you yell at me, as long as that means you're here. life just feels so empty now. ever since we were little, everything in my life has been about you. i'm so fucking in love with you it hurts. every little thing about you is beautiful and so amazingly you and i love it. i promise that if-no, when you wake up i'll make sure you know how much i love you every day. i'll do everything in my power to make you happy." suddenly, the box in his pocket felt ten times heavier. "i want to spend the rest of my life with you. i want to give you the life you want and show you the love you deserve. i want to have babies with you. i want to grow old with you and love you until forever. and if you don't want that, that's fine. i'd do anything for you, because you're everything to me," he whispered. "i can't do it without you." jj's breathing shallowed as he tried to collect himself, not daring to remove his face from hannah's side for fear of breaking down again.

"i knew you weren't an independent variable."

for a moment, jj was almost positive he'd lost it. the lack of sleep and malnourishment had finally caught up to him, causing his mind to play cruel, sadistic jokes on him. he didn't want to fall for it; the mere thought of being let down was unbearable. but the voice sounded so real, so her, that he couldn't help but pick his head up. jj took a sharp intake of breath when his ocean blue eyes collided with the intense brown ones he'd fallen in love with.

a broad grin stretched across the brunette's lips as she took in jj's shocked expression, filled with such pure, genuine love she couldn't help but release a small sob.

not a second later, jj had her wrapped tightly in his arms, a fresh set of tears streaming down his face. "i'm sorry. i'm so sorry."

"i know, jay," hannah whispered.

jj pulled back. "no, you don't know. you don't know how much of a wreck i've been because i've fucked up so badly in the last week, and all i want to do is let you know how sorry i am for it. you shouldn't have to go through all this. you deserve absolutely everything good in the world." he paused to take a deep breath before continuing. "and i'm in love with you, and i don't care if you think we won't make it. i don't care if you think this could ruin our friendship because i know it won't. you know why?"

hannah shook her head.

"because you're my person," jj whispered as he pulled the ring from his pocket for her to see, causing her to let out a soft gasp. "because i know now that i'm never going to love anyone more than i love you."

a broken laugh bubbled up hannah's throat as more tears spilled from her eyes. she gently took jj's face in her hands, slightly hesitating before finally pulling his lips to hers. an intense surge of emotion engulfed them as their mouths moved against each other, both trying to pour every ounce of love and pain they felt into the kiss. they completed one another. it was only when their lungs began burning for air did they break apart. the two rested their foreheads together, breaths mingling as they grinned at one another. "you're my person too."