STAR CROSSED

24.

'Maaz...Maaz...please' My voice disappeared as I felt his lips on my neck. I froze and all the strength I had in my hand started to melt, I wasn't as strong as I was a few moments ago.

'Maaz' I said a bit louder this time and he slightly pulled back and looked into my eyes.

'I need you to leave, I can't think straight' I said in between uneven breaths. I expected him to argue or say something to win over the claim, but he got off from me agreeably fast, allowing me to adjust and get up from the bed.

'Sorry' He cleared his throat and approached the door to leave.

'Try not to run away' He turned his head to the side as he stopped just outside the door.

'This is not a game Maaz' I said to him, watching him because when he was around, I couldn't put my attention anywhere else.

'Whatever it is...it changed my life' He said to me but remained still. Was he planning on sleeping in the hallway again?

'I won't go anywhere, you can sleep in your room' I told him, doubting his actions.

'Tomorrow will be better then' He responded and proceeded towards his room. The rest of the night remained restless. The energy between us was so high that I felt as if I tried to listen closely, I would even feel the vibration of his heart. I could still feel his touch on my skin and the things he said to me still echoed in my ears no matter how hard I worked to slow it down. The feeling of love that I was once read about, I was finally experiencing it. I once read that people who love and receive love in return were the most fortunate ones, then how come I couldn't accept it? 

I prayed and rested my concerns in front of God asking for help to resolve my confusions. I closed my eyes and rested my head on the prayer mat giving up control and being completely vulnerable as I asked for confirmation of my path in the universe.

'Good morning' Anaya greeted me as I joined her in the kitchen the next morning. Rahila Aunty wasn't here still so it was just us here.

'Rahila Aunty called, she said she'll be coming late. Her grandson is not feeling well this morning' Anaya told me as I started to help her prepare for breakfast for the guests.

'Listen...about yesterday...I am sorry about what happened...'I started, feeling embarrassed.

'Hey, it's fine you're married' She clarified.

'Can you please not tell Rahila Aunty about Maaz?' I requested her and she looked at me with a puzzling glance.

'I don't understand, he is here to take you home isn't he?' She questioned me.

'Yes...but there is a lot that you don't know...we are...we need time...both of us' I tried to answer but stopped since I knew that explaining this to her would mean risking my job and my relationship further.

'I will leave soon anyway...and even if she asks then I'll tell her I was busy, so I don't know what happened' She nodded but it felt like she was uncertain about something.

'What is it?' I speculated her.

'Husband wife relationship is a very special one Eman...two people despite coming from the same walks of life or different come together to share a life that's so big and constantly brining up new challenges to test everything you got...some people stick together while others don't...but you don't realize what you have lost until the very end...until it's too late...if even a slightest part of you loves him and you trust his love for you then ask yourself...if he really goes away and never returns or something terrible happens to him then what will you do?' I saw her sad eyes as she tried to reveal this to me. She was telling me this from her experience. She lost someone she loved and didn't want me to live with regret, knowing that I had love, but I didn't welcome it.