STAR CROSSED

25.

'He is my husband' I told Rahila Aunty when I followed her to the kitchen. She remained quiet, seemed upset. Was that her way of asking me to leave?

'Do you want me gone?' It was hard to make a conversation with someone who hardly spoke outside of business, but I wanted her direct answer. She gave me a place to stay and a job without asking about my past but now that Maaz was here I wanted to make sure if she was okay with me staying in this lodge.

'Did I ask you to leave?' She replied in her casual monotone voice.

I stayed silent.

'Check on the new guests... and then review the accounts' She said a while later when she noticed me standing still waiting for her decision regarding my position.

'Thank you' I responded before going to tackle the tasks for the day. But before that, I went and placed the ring and a note from Maaz underneath my pillow. Who knew a weight of this ring would be so much that it'll leave me restless throughout the day.

'She didn't say anything to you, did she?' Anaya asked me later in the evening after Rahila Aunty left for the day.

'No, I told her the truth... about him' I informed her.

'She is a woman with few words, but she makes fair verdicts' She commented.

'I am very thankful of her...' I nodded and started preparing for dinner for the guests.

'Eman' I heard a voice coming from the lounge area. He was here again.

'Do you want me to talk to him?' She offered when she saw me pressing my hand on my forehead.

'Yes... tell him I... I am not feeling well...no don't tell him that...just say that I am asleep or something' I thanked her as she went to go talk to him. She returned a few minutes later and informed me he had gone.

'He said he will not leave unless you come out to talk to him' She informed me about his hideous condition.

'Is he still there?' I questioned her.

'He is outside' She reported.

'He'll leave eventually' I countered, knowing that if I give into his terms, he will ask for more.

'He seems concerned for you Eman... he asked me if you were doing okay or if you needed something' I heard her say momentarily. Making me feel guilty, because of him my only friend here too was judging me, probably thinking I was the awful person in this situation. If only she knew it all, including the bad and real ugly.

The night started creeping in the waves of wariness behind the closed door of my room.

'Eman... Eman' There was a knock on the door, Anaya was here.

I answered the door and saw a weird expression on her face that I couldn't comprehend.

'He is still outside, the security guard wants him to leave but he is not having it' She whispered, careful not to wake up the guests.

'He is an absolute madman' I stormed past her to go talk to him.

'What do you think you're doing?' I called out Maaz as I spotted him contending with the security man. He turned around to face me as I marched in his direction.

'He is not leaving... I will have to call the police' The security guard checked in with me.

'No, please don't... I mean... he'll leave... won't you?' I stared at Maaz, who was giving me his undivided attention.

He said nothing. The security man continued to wait, losing his patience as the seconds passed by.

'Can you just give us a moment?' I requested the security man at last. He opened his mouth to make a comment but decided against it and returned to his sitting area by the gate.

'What is it?' I spoke harshly, didn't know if the frustration was because of him or my own thoughts.

He smiled, enjoying seeing me in this state of ambiguity.

'If you have nothing to say then why are you here?' I gawked at him.

'Who said I was here to talk?' He pulled together his eyebrow, gaping back at me with so much force that I thought my heart would burst. I took a step back from him.

'I am leaving' I warned him.

'Come with me' He didn't come forward but extended his hand towards me.

'We have already talked about this... I can't wait for you Maaz... being with you is too confusing, happy and sad at the same time... I want a life where we can walk side by side not a life where you are dragging me... pulling me close and then pushing me away... I know this because you have done that plenty of times... you say you want to be with me... but will you able to walk along my side as a companion? Will you be able to show kindness and empathy and understanding towards me... will you show up when I need you?' My voice cracked as I started pouring my heart out in front of him.

'How many times have we talked about Kabeer? How many times have you taken the time to just talk to me...? And then you say you want me? You don't love me Maaz... how can you love someone without knowing them?' I interrogated him.

'What about you? When you said you loved me...were you lying too?' He fired back at me instead.

'Maybe I was' I wanted to disagree and tell him he was the first man and probably the last man I'll ever be able to love but instead I told him this.

'That's not true' He calmly replied, taking a step towards me and capturing my hands with his.

'Maybe I don't love you...and I don't see a reason to prove my feelings to you...what I feel about you is my business...that belong to me...but one thing that I want you to accept and always remember is that...after my brother...you are the one I trust the most...and if times comes...I will not hesitate to use my body as a shield to protect you...so if you still think I don't feel...if I don't love you...it's fine' He held my gaze with his.

'I'll be coming to get you tomorrow morning' He declared at last.

'And don't think just because I have said this to you...I won't drag you if I have to...' He squeezed my hands before letting go.

'Go inside it's getting cold' He said to me.

'Tomorrow will be a fresh start for us Eman' He started moving back, but I remained still. I continued to watch him until he disappeared out of my sight. I returned to my room, finding Anaya patiently waiting for me.

'Is everything okay?' She sat down with me, waiting for me to tell her about what happened.

'He'll be coming to get me tomorrow' I addressed, while processing the words he had said to me.

'Will you leave with him?' She inquired.

'My heart is telling me to trust his words' I replied to her.

'Then you must listen to it...don't be afraid of it...embrace it...whether it heals or aches...believe that it will guide you' She assured me. After spending some time with me, Anaya left to take some rest.

I took out the note and the ring from under my pillow, feeling a heavyweight I was sensing from it slowly slipping away. Maaz's words from tonight felt like a promise. A promise which pledged for a commitment and openness which I subconsciously spent my entire life seeking. I put my doubts at rest by the declaration of his emotions which he felt towards me. I slipped the ring onto my finger and reread the note which he had written for me a few more times. I was staring to understand and accept that it was easy to love a perfect love, but it was challenging to work with a love that was imperfect. And when did I ever had things come to me easily? 

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Hi, my loves,

I hope and pray that you're all doing well and wherever you are; you are safe, happy and healthy.

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Catch you'll next week :)