STAR CROSSED

32.

'Is this okay?' I looked around the bed to see if it was comfortable for Maaz when Miraaj brought him home from the hospital two days later. I watched Maaz as he shifted on to the bed and rested his back against the bed board, nodding in my direction. His breathing was normal now, but moving too much was still causing him shortness of breath.

'I am going to go get his meds' Miraaj announced and went outside the room before I could stop him so he could stay and eat something. I was about to go after him when Maaz stopped me.

'He won't be staying with us' He informed me, and I turned around to face him. I approached him and he patted the space next to him, so I sat down.

'Aunty and Kiran have gone back home, I have asked Miraaj to stay with them' He told me.

'What is it?' He asked after noticing that I didn't make any comment on it. 

'Should I go visit them?' I asked him hesitantly, ready for him to deny me.

'Up to you' His response surprised me. I looked at him and caught him staring at the wall in front of him blankly.

'Maaz' I touched his shoulder, and he slightly turned his head to look at me.

'You can go if you want, I won't stop you' He continued.

'You're not upset?' I asked him.

'I am sure they are more upset with me...he is gone, and I am still here' He responded, there was sadness in his voice. Perhaps not as a father but his uncle was the closest type of father figure he had after losing his parents.

'He tried to kill you' I felt the need to say it, I wanted him to understand that he took the step which led him to do something which was not his intention.

'It doesn't help the situation does it' He sighed turning his attention back at an empty wall. I felt an instant distance between us when I waited for him to say something, but he did not. What was he thinking? What was it that was bothering him now? I wanted to ask but I did not. He suffered so much and the last thing I wanted was to put him under type of pressure, so I got up from the bed and left the room. I was in the kitchen making a light porridge for Maaz when Amma entered in the room.

'How is he?' I asked her about Maaz since she was with him.

'He is quiet...I stayed with him for a while, but he said he needed to rest' She said skeptically. She must have noticed his odd behaviour too.

'He must be tired' I said in response. She didn't acknowledge and sat down on a chair that was set on the side of the fridge.

'What is it?' I asked her when I noticed her looking at me with a strange expression.

'Has he said something to you?' She questioned me.

I shook my head to say no.

'What is it that you're not telling me?' I walked up to her, anticipating her reply.

'You know how it is with Maaz' She looked away, seemed as if she was trying to hide something.

'Amma' I tried to get to her to tell me.

'I just want you to be patient with him...whatever he says...please know that he doesn't mean it' She held my hands and got up from the chair.

'I will be going to see Salma and Kiran with Miraaj...I will come back tomorrow' She mentioned to me and just as she was about to say something else, the bell rang. I went to answer the door and Miraaj came inside.

'Here is everything' He handed over the bags of medications and other things for dressing his wounds.

'I will come to see Kiran and Salma Aunty some day' I told him as he waited for Amma to come outside.

'Maybe in a few days...not right now' He politely said but with a warning.

'Yes of course' I agreed.

'Kiran is not upset with you...or Maaz even...it's just Salma Aunty' He said to me.

'Call me if you need anything' Miraaj stated again when Amma and him were inside the car ready to leave.

'I will, thank you' I shifted my gaze from him to Amma. Whatever it was that Amma knew was making me worried. If it had anything to do with me and Maaz's change of attitude, then I was more than worried. Amma and Miraaj both looked exhausted after spending so much time in the hospital while also trying to take care of me as I was still in shock and stress. I was hoping for things to go on smoothly but from what I was feeling, I knew it was going to be everything but that.

'I'll take care of him' I managed to smile despite my anxiousness and watched them leave. I walked back inside the house and locked the gate before heading to Maaz's room to check on him to see if he needed something.

'Maaz...you need to take your medicine' I went to him and placed a small tray in front of him which had porridge and a glass of water.

'Here' I offered him a spoonful of porridge so he won't have to move his hands, but he grabbed the bowl from my hand.

'It's okay' He forced a smile and started eating by himself.  He remained quiet as I watched him eat in silence.

'Should I turn on a radio...you must be bored' I tried to engage in a conversation with him, but he just shook his head to say no. Was he just not feeling okay or was he bothered by me? Should I ask him, I thought to myself but rejected the idea.

'Here' I took tablets from the pack and gave it to him.

'Are you feeling any pain?' I urged him when he remained quiet as I lifted the tray to return to the kitchen.

'No' He finally spoke. I left the room and picked up my phone and called Amma.

'Eman, is everything okay dear?' She quickly answered the call.

'What is it that you wanted to tell me before Miraaj came?' I asked her straightaway.

'It was nothing' She answered.

'If it was nothing then you wouldn't have said those things to me...Maaz said something didn't he...he is not saying anything to me' I told her.

'Maaz didn't mean it...'She started but I spoke first.

'I know just tell me, so I know...'I further said.

'When I was in the room, he was awfully quiet, so I asked him what he was thinking about and he just said...'She stopped.

'What?' I pushed.

'Eman he just said that if you hadn't come into his life, none of this would have happened' She disclosured and I felt hurt by the words she said to me. Did he really mean it?

'He is not feeling well emotionally and physically Eman, please understand that...so if he says anything to you then don't take it to heart...he loves you' She quickly added to try to make me feel better. No matter what she was saying, the bottom line was he saw me as a person who was responsible for all this damage and perhaps, he was right.

'I know' I uttered.

'He loves you' She cared to say it again to make me accept it and remember it.

'I know' That was the worst of all. Him loving me and somehow thinking that I caused all this in his life made me feel horrible.

'I am okay Amma...don't worry...I have some things to do, I will call you later' I told her and ended the call. I stayed in the living room for most of the day while occasionally checking on Maaz from time to time to make sure he was okay and whenever I went to his room, I found him lost in his own thoughts. It felt like we were back to walking on thin ice, because from what I knew and how much I had understood Maaz I knew that his mind was a jigsaw puzzle and he was thinking about a lot of things. I also knew that I couldn't change him, I could only be there for him.

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Hi my lovelies,

Hope you're all doing well. Take care of yourself and if you enjoyed this chapter, you know what to do lol

Catch you next week :)