It is What it Is (FMA Fanfiction)

Looking For Answers

Moonlight spilled in through the windows, dimly illuminating the guest bedroom. Alphonse was still sitting against the wall, Edward resting the back of his head on his brother's armor leg.

I'm still finding it so hard to process everything, and I can't imagine how long he's been going through this.

Alphonse felt himself becoming hyper aware of the bandages on Edward's arm and the painful memory of seeing the fresh blood and cuts earlier that day.

How did I not notice anything until now? I've been with him for years...

I know that Ms. Riza told me not to focus on this, on the past, but it's very hard not to. I just feel so bad since he's been suffering through this alone all this time.

Alphonse slowly got up brought Edward to the bed. Under normal circumstances, Edward might have woke up, but he was apparently too tired to. It must've been a while since he had got a full night's rest.

I have to focus on helping Ed. Yet, without a body, I can't even begin to imagine how cutting oneself could make somebody feel better. What if I'm not even qualified to deal with Brother? What if I just make things worse for him...? No, I'm sure there's something even I can do. I just have to find out what it is. The first step to that is researching into this stuff.

Ah, that's it! Tomorrow, I'll go to the library and read as much as I can.

...

Riza didn't get any sleep that night at all(nor even the past couple of nights in the hospital for that matter), afraid that if she turned her back even for a few moments, Edward would do something to hurt himself or something bad would happen to him.

She was tired and on edge, the memory of finding Edward nearly dead in a pile of his own blood all too vivid in her head.

Yet, during and since Ishval, she regularly had went through insomniac periods of restlessness, so this was nothing new. She couldn't be worried over something so trivial.

Roy had long since left, claiming he was gonna go and try to get started on his paperwork at the office.

Riza had finally choked back some of her pride and asked him the question she should have earlier: "Roy, if Ed was alone with you in the future and he started to panic again, what would you do...? I need to know, before I can ever trust you with him again."

"The answer to that should be obvious." Roy had said. "Unlike before, I'd try to talk him out of it before it got that far."

Riza was more satisfied with his answer at that point and decided that, although Edward and Alphonse should still primarily stay with her to avoid too much suspicion from the higher ups, Edward could safely stay around Roy when and if necessary.

However, before leaving, he then told her, "Call me if anything comes up. Oh and, Lieutenant, I know it may be hard, but try to get some rest if you can. Unlike Alphonse, you actually need sleep to function."

A small part of her felt irritation at his suggestion, despite the fact that there was no ill-intention behind his words.

How could he possibly even think of suggesting sleep when Edward was going through something like this?

No, logically and in her heart, she knew that she was just frustrated for not having been able to prevent things from getting as far as they did. And if she didn't get any rest, she would be in no shape to look after him.

But a larger part of her wanted to deny it.

Black Hayate, who was by her side, began licking at her hand, snapping out of her thoughts. She looked over and smiled softly, reaching up to pet him. "You wanna go outside, boy?"