The Superstar's Autograph [YiZhan]

Chapter Thirty-Two

The Superstar's Autograph
_Chapter Thirty-Two

[ Dedicated to Sulfuctious @honey25_6
@kpoptrash_794]

Credits to the original owner of the video and for the lyrics, thank you so much.

Song: Strawberries & Cigarettes (Troye Sivan)
Cover by: Lee Eun Sang

P.S. This is a NEW version of this chapter.

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"Answer me..." I asked as I pored over to him. "Yibo..." I clamped on the sleeve of his denim jacket. "Please answer me. Will you marry me?"

He obtained air inward to his nostrils and the faint of his exhalation was intangibly varnished with apprehension, "I don't think I could..."

"Why? What's wrong? Because of what? I have bipolar? That is why you couldn't?" I goaded, brooking the disgust I had for my life. Why am I not born with upright mental health?!

"It's not, Zhan." Yibo tensed up, he gritted his teeth. "It just that...Zoey's for you. Not me."

Why would he change his mind?!

"I thought..." This was bloodcurdling to me. "I thought it is okay for you that I have bipolar. I will take my medicines, excessive therapies from now on and do whatever the doctors said I have to do to lessen my condition...I won't skip or get away from them. If you are worried that after any minute I'll change my mind, don't. This has nothing to do with my depression or manic phase, I love you. Marry me please..."

"Zhan, I'm sorry but..."His words pounded me like flying concrete blocks. "I-I can't." He couldn't seem to find the right word as he struggled scanning my reddish lips from my own biting.

My unfazed vision shifted to glassy and tears oozed out, issuing along the bridge of my nose. I disappointingly scraped them away with my fist. "Is it not enough? Me liking and loving you? Am I too late in figuring things up with my feelings? Or is this means...Nothing to you? Is this your intentions all along? Confusing and dropping me after hearing my confession?"

Yibo's tongue went under the side of his bottom lip, eyebrows rutted and unquestionably thinking as he looked at me, "Yes. I only made you to fall in love with me and tonight the drama will end. All that you did to me, all that I did to you means nothing...This confession of yours doesn’t change anything. If you are drained; I am too to this love and hate relation that connected us, to this asinine linkage we entoiled ourselves into."

My inaudible mewl glided around us. "Asinine? Foolish?" [A/N: Asinine means extremely or utterly foolish.]

"Yes Zhan, foolish!" Yibo's irises switched to darker tinge of brown, "I can’t love a bipolar person like you. I have to distance myself, I need to put space in the midst of us two. I need to disappear in your life like you did in mine when you asked Zoey to marry you or to those days you were advocating for me to go...You are crusading to tear whatever we had, Zhan because in your heart you knew you love Zoey more than me…SO STOP MAKING ME RUN AROUND YOUR PALM. STOP GIVING ME FRAUDULENT HOPE."

“I admit that I do love Zoey but after meeting you everything changed. Please forgive me…I am so sorry for being like this.” I whimpered to him.

“Don’t apologize; it’s not your fault. It is mine. If I hadn’t become a superstar, asked you to kiss me for my autograph and if we stayed as strangers then maybe someway our lives would be in peace. Zhan Zhan, I need to be able to live my own life now without thinking about you and still be alright. I've taken the time to realize that I am giving so much of me in exchange for not nearly as much of you. I depended on the misconception that one day you'll like or love me but yes you did just an hour late, I waited for you to see me, the only human being who loves you more than himself... Yet I can't do it any longer, I love you too but I have to love me more...Let us go back to our previous existence. I will do my best not to feel broken. I hope you are too."