Caged Wolves

Chapter 40. I Can't

Colten walks into the room like he owns the place, which well I mean I guess he does, this is his pack afterall. Alice looks between the two of us as we both just stare at each other.

Alice slides away from me. "I guess I better go find Zane." She mumbles as she slides past Colten. She shuts the door behind him but not before she throws me a quick wink. He walks over to the bed and all I want to do is melt away. This is definitely not how I wanted to meet my mate. I wanted it to be that perfect moment, the moment where sparks fly and the stops for that second with it being just me and him.

Not this, not me, lying down in a hospital bed half dead and looking like I just kissed death and barely walked away the victor.

The silence between us keeps growing but I have no idea what to say. Hey thanks for saving me and all but hi I'm your mate? It doesn't really roll off the tongue. He isn't making this easy as he keeps looking at me but at the same time not wanting to look at me.

"I'm ah- I'm sorry about that mess with your friends I just ah...." He pauses the first words out of his mouth and I'm mesmerized by the sound of his voice. I'm frozen. I don't think words have any meaning in my mind right now. "I just lost control I'm sorry." He looks wary like he doesn't know what to do, which I mean neither do I.

"It's okay." I murmur not sure if my voice is even working. My senses are in overdrive with him. I can't smell his scent enough, I can't look at him enough, I want to be wrapped around him like a protective shell. My wolf, she wants out. She wants to meet this man and meet this wolf.

"May I?" He motions to the end of the bed, clearly needing to be close, I know all of the stories of mates they need to be close to each other in order to settle both mind and body.

"yes ." I nod to him.

"It's not okay." He sighs. "I acted like an idiot and I am sorry, it's just been a rough few weeks." he sounds disappointed with himself. "He has just been losing control."

"I understand." Such a stupid thing to say but it was the first thing to slip out of my mouth. I can't even begin to imagine how hard these past few weeks have been for him, I know I wouldn't have dealt well if he was the one lying here near dead the first time I met him.

"I think it's time to be properly introduced to each." he gives me a nervous laugh. "I'm Colton, the Alpha here." he gives me a smile that sends butterflies flying in a frenzy throughout my body.

"I'm Lucinda, but please, please call me Luce." I try to joke but my ribs still don't like any form of laughter. "And I pretty much have no role or talent." I shrug with a smile.

"Well you have a role in this pack now that you're my mate." he moves closer. It looks like he is struggling to stay away from me and I can't say I want him to stay away from me.

But he is an Alpha and I don't think I'm ready to be an Alphas' mate. I'm in no way prepared to help lead a pack. I'm a mess and not fit to lead. I start to panic and he can obviously see the distress clear on my face. He tries to move closer to soothe me but he hesitates. We don't know each other at all and that fact is starting to dawn on me.

Would he even be able to calm me down right now.

"Breathe." He whispers, taking my hand as though he is testing the water between us. "Breathe." he whispers again moving closer to me . Second by second he moves closer until he is sitting right next to me wrapping his arms around me.

"Breathe." He whispers one last time letting his scent take over all of my senses. The pull of the mating bond taking over making everything disappear but him.

Pulling myself together takes either seconds or hours I can't tell while I'm wrapped up in him but once I pull myself together I ask the one question I am dreading.

"Did they tell you what happened?" I look up to his face. Meeting his blue green eyes and seeing a look of regret and pain on his face that he quickly tries to hide.

"About how you landed at my doorstep half dead..." He growls unable to contain himself. "Or beforehand." He looks at me but I can't meet his eyes.

"Both." I mutter softly turning my face away from his. I don't want to see whatever it is that his face will hold. I don't want to see his pity and most of all I don't want to see him disappointed in me, like I could've done more.

"They told me only what I needed to know. The rest is for whenever you are ready to tell me.

He reassures me by turning me to face him. "Then will you understand if I tell you that I can't be what you need me to be?" I whisper it so low that I'm not sure if I said it out loud or in my head. "I can't be your mate, I can't look after myself, how am I meant to be anything to you if I can't help you." I want to cry, I can't be a Luna I can't be mated to an Alpha male. I just can't.

"I'm not going to ask you to be anything but you." He looks me directly in the eyes, it's slightly intimidating but it also feels so right. "I'm never going to rush you into this, you are my mate, but you've been through a lot and even if you hadn't I wouldn't just throw running the pack at you." He smiles at me.

A few tears slip down my face that he swiftly wipes away. "How would you like to get out of here for a bit? I'm sure after almost a month in a deep sleep you'd need to stretch your legs." He offers and honestly it does sound like a good idea.

"But-" He cuts me off.

"We don't need to talk about anything right now. You still need to rest and heal, we need to get to know one another." He looks around the room for a wheelchair.

"We need to talk about all of this." I pull myself to the edge of the bed swinging my legs down. It feels almost forgien to move, just like when- nope, no I won't think of that time.

"We will, just not now." He smiles yet again. He must just be so happy that I'm here with him. "I'll be back in a second." He walks out the door leaving it open I can hear him murmur to the doctor asking things that I can't make out.

Leaving me alone with nothing but my thoughts and my wolf. She seems content, happy she even loves the idea of our mate and wants out to meet him and his wolf.

Our Alpha mate.

She believes that we are where we belong, I'm just not sure. I don't think I am Luna material. But the moon has a plan for us all, even if it hasn't been good to me so far.

Colton comes back in with a wheelchair as I'm slowly swinging my legs over the edge of the bed attempting to get some real feeling back into them. "I thought this would be a good idea." He motions to it. I internally cringe, what good am I if I can't even walk? "Once we are outside you can stretch your legs in the garden." He helps me down from the n\bed towards the chair.

I gasp at the tingles that spread throughout my body at his touch like he just lit me up like a firework. And I am assuming that I have the same effect on him as his hands linger near me like he wants to touch me again.

Instead he spins around and pushes the chair out of the room quickly walking towards the exit. He wheels me into a beautiful garden filled with wildflowers of each colour. I can see Alice and Zane, they look like they are having a heated argument. Colton pauses before we get too close to them.

"I'm sorry." I feel like I have to say it now seeing Alice put Zane in his place. "I'm sorry I can't be what you need." I'm so mad at myself for being this weak. Didn't I promise myself to be stronger? I guess that idea got flushed down the toilet.

"You have nothing to apologise for. I'm happy to wait for you to be ready for everything that we can be."

Colton doesn't give me time to respond as he pushes me forward towards them. Something tells me he will continue pushing me forward for the rest of my life with him.

But he is willing to wait for everything with me.

If that isn't the sweetest thing I have heard.

I just want to thank you all for sticking with this story and with me it means the world that people still read this even though I disappeared for awhile but like I said I will always finish this story it may just take some time as I've been in a bad place.

Just thank you all. It really means everything.