Together Again / Brendon Urie

19. Brendon

"I mean we can do other things." She traces my chest with her finger and I gulp. I grab her hand and I pull her closer. I kiss her lips and slowly pull her shirt off. "Whatever you want," I whisper into her skin and her palms cup my face pulling me down onto her. We collapse on the bed and shuffle up towards the pillows. When we are situated I lower my hips onto hers and moan at the friction. Ok Urie, you have to last longer this time.

"Why are you nervous?" She asks me and my lips suck on her neck making her arms and legs tighten around my body. "I feel like I'm cheating on Sarah, even though I know I'm not." I open up and she makes a noise. "Why are you?" She giggles. "What?"

"I'm still debating if I hate you," she laughs a little more and I just look at her. "Wow, really?" I'm kind of frustrated now, and not sexually. "Brendon, I'm joking." She quickly covers but no, I don't think she is. I get off of her and sit with my legs hanging over the edge of the bed. "Brendon, really?" She asks and I scoff. "Really?, yes really! I just opened myself up to you body and soul and you don't even know if you like me? I think you should leave." I snap at her barely looking in her direction.

It's quiet, but eventually she gets up, grabs her shirt and leaves my room. I don't regret kicking her out. I'm not going to open up to a girl for her to mock me or not even know if she wants me. So much for me moving on, I feel like I just took 3 steps back.

ADLER

I leave his townhouse and get in my car, I just couldn't keep my mouth shut huh? I always sabotage something good. God I'm so mad at myself! I drive home in silence and just go to bed, I have to find a way to make it up to him. I have to fix the damage I've done. The damage it took him 3 years to build back up to.

I wake up early the next morning and decide to get him coffee and donuts also to drive him to work. I owe him more then that, but its a start. I dress simply, brush my teeth, braid my hair and out the door I go. I stop at a local bakery before moving onto to Starbucks. Once I have all the sweets and coffee I make the 25 minute trek to his house. The drive there is quiet, traffic heavy as usual, but I'm not frustrated, I'm serene for once. I pull up to his development and park in a guest spot. When I get there though he is exiting his house with flowers, yellow roses actually.

I exit my car but he doesn't see me. He  unlocks it, "Brendon," I yell a little to get his attention. He stops with his keys and smiles. Oh good, maybe he isn't mad anymore. "Morning, Adler."

I take that back, he used my actually name.

"I'm Adler now?" I ask and he rolls his eyes. "Addie, why are you here?" He asks, clearly annoyed by my presence.  "I got us coffee and donuts but you are clearly on your way somewhere. I gesture to the flowers and he smiles softly at the flowers. "They're Sarah's favorite, I'm going to go see her." He replies quietly and damn I misread this whole situation. I frown and lower my head in embarrassment. "Oh, I'm-I'm s-sorry." His face softens at my stutter and he opens the door to place the flowers inside. When he rises back out he walks over to me and hugs me. I'm confused but I return the hug and we stand in his parking lot like this for half a minute.

"Would you like to come with me? I mean if you don't hate my 16 year old self still." I blush at his jab but shake my head. "N-no, I don't want to impose on your morning with her. Its not my place, and I don't hate you." I mumble the end and he smirks letting out one little laugh through his nose. "'Would you like to come with me' is me giving you that opportunity,  so would you like to come visit Sarah with me?" He asks again and smile with one side of my mouth. "S-sure." Brendon smiles down at me, clearly amused by my stutter. His hand reaches up and when I think he is going to touch my face his fingers tighten around my hair tie and pulls my braid loose. My hair falls in waves around my shoulders and breasts and his smiles broadens. "Much better."

Yeah some things never change.

We arrive at the cemetery and its eerily quiet. I mean I've only been to a cemetery once, when I was 5 so I don't remember anything really. We are parked on the little road that weeves in and out of lots and Brendon shifts in his seat. "I try to come visit her at least twice a month. I use to come twice a week, but it got too much with work and also myself. If I cry I'm sorry." He finishes and my heart cleances for him. "I'll never get use to it." He mumbles and then exits the car. I let him have a few minutes with Sarah alone. I watch him in the distance, talking to her headstone and placing the flowers down. He kneels in the grass and keeps his hands on his knees. I watch as he wipes away dead leaves and other debris that has settled on the granite and around the surrounding grass. His body shakes with one sob but he quickly buries it away. He looks in my direction and waves me over. I approach and he is talking. "I brought Addie today, I hope you don't mind." He says quietly, "she's amazing and has been.helping me a lot honestly. You would like her," he says and I don't know what to do so I mimic his position and kneel next to him. "Brendon, I shouldn't be here. This is too personal." I say quietly, like Sarah is actually listening.

"I want you here though, I'm sorry if it's weird. I don't have to talk to her. But it helps me, like hearing it out loud makes it more understandable." He explains, "and I get that, but Brendon..." I trail off and he looks at me with the saddest eyes. Glazed over with tears, he is holding back for me and thats why I shouldn't be here. "I'm sorry," he whispers again, but its not at me. We kneel there in silence for several minutes. "I opened a letter yesterday." I look at him confused waiting for him to explain. "Sarah wrote her family and I letters before she died. Some with specific dates or holidays, some not addressed at all. After you left yesterday I was in such a place I opened a letter early and I regret it so much. Thats why I had to come see her today."

I rub his back soothingly and just let him continue talking. "The letter was meant for my birthday but I just needed something right then, ya know?" He explains and glances at me. "I'm glad you're here Addie, I really appreciate you." He says staring into my eyes. "Did the letter help?" I ask and he looks down at his hands so I grab one. His fingers interlock with mine and he leans his shoulder into me. "Not really, I was so angry and now I wasted the letter." He explains. "I don't think its wasted, I think everything happens for a reason." I explain and he looks back up to my eyes. "Me too." He examines my face and kisses my cheek before looking back at his hands. "We should head to work." He states quietly and calmly. I just nod and rise to my feet when he does. He holds my hand as we walk back to the car.