Together Again / Brendon Urie

30. Brendon

I wake with her in my arms. I smile and hold her closer. "Hey baby," I kiss her hair and wait for her to wake up.

"No, dad. Don't its fine. I'm fine."

Wait, if Adler is out in the other room, then? No one, I'm holding no one. In fact I swore it was Sarah, man am I sleep deprived and hungover. My head is on fire. I turn over and stare at the ceiling. "He's asleep still, we uh, had a long night." She stutters. I know I shouldn't listen in on her conversation but I can't help it. Her voice carries in the tiny apartment. "I don't know, maybe."

"I just got settled, like fully settled."

"I would like to yes."

What are they talking about.

"He's not anywhere close to ready."

Wait, what?

"That job does sound amazing, yes, But-"

Wait wait is she thinking of leaving the restaurant and going back home? Well of course she is you idiot. Its been years and you can't commit to anyone, have dreams of Sarah and get outrageously drunk every year on her birthday and anniversary.

"I do, dad. More then anyone in the past. It's scary."

I rattle my brain trying to piece that last sentence together. Me, she loves me more then anyone in the past.
I spring up out of bed and highly regret it when a train hits me mentally and I fall over gripping my head and bile rises in my throat. I crawl and get up as fast as I can towards her bathroom. I reach the toilet just in time and its ugly. "Dad I'll call you back." Addie says down the hall, she must have seen or heard me stumble in here from her bedroom. She enters the bathroom and rubs my back, another heave racking my shoulders. "Get out," I mumble between harsh breaths. "I mean its gross but no," she counters. I heave again, finally nothing left. I flush the toilet and she hands me a towel. "Take a shower, and then we have to talk." She explains. I finally look up at her eyes and she looks tired, but her eyes are loving. "Ok." I whisper and she leaves shutting the door behind her.

After my shower and getting changed, I stare at myself in the mirror as I towel dry my hair. "She's going to end things. Last night was too much for her." I whisper to myself and pull yhe towel over my head.

The letter.

The letter that Sarah left For Her. I should give it to her and have her change her mind to stay. Because I want her to stay I want her.

I leave the bathroom, holding the towel. Addie is waiting in the bedroom. "Hey, where do you-?" I gesture to the towel and she snaps out of her day dream. She was just standing staring at the end of the bed biting her lip with her hand raised to her mouth. "Oh, I'll take it." She shakes her head and grabs the towel politely. After discarding the the towel she sits on the bed and taps the empty space next to her. I sit and grab my hands, anxiously playing with my rings, even my wedding ring.

"I know, this week is tough-"
"Please don't break up with me."

She squints, "Brendon, what?"
"I have a letter from Sarah, I want you to read it before you say anything ok?"

"Brendon I wasn't going to break up with you." She replies calmly.

"I heard you talking to your dad." I mumble looking at my hands.

"Brendon." Her hand cups my chin and pulls my face to look at her. I look into her eyes and she smiles lightly. "My dad has been calling once a week trying to get me to move back home, that had nothing to do with you." I still don't feel relieved because she said I wasn't ready for something.

"I heard you say I'm not ready for something." Her face changes but she quickly masks it. "Oh."

"Just tell me." She stands up. "No it's fine, Brendon. Don't over think it."

"Addie..." I draw out, and I would stand with her but honestly I'm tired from standing in the shower.

"Brendon." She sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. I reach out to grab her hand and she looks down. She moves her arm so I can reach it. "Communication is key." She looks at me now. "What's next for us?" She asks and I tilt my head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Do we move in together, get engaged? Do you even want to get married again or have kids? What am I signing up for?" She asks kindly. Her words aren't said harshly but they hit hard.

"I-I wait what? I thought we were good the way we are?" I honestly wish I didn't ask. She sighs and sits again.

"We are, I'm not rushing into anything but we should have this conversation so no one ends up with different expectations or-or a b-broken heart." I smile at her stutter. She rolls her eyes. "Why do you like my stutter?" She asks incredulously. I smile larger, "because it's you and I love you." I lean in and kiss her. She kisses back cautiously. "Can we have sex now and talk later?" She asks and damn if I'm going to say no to that. "Can you go on top?"

"Ok."