Together Again / Brendon Urie

29. Adler

"Where has Brendon been?" I finally cave and ask Denise. She stopped what task she was doing to face me with her full attention. "When was the last time you spoke to him?" She asks and I lower my head. "We had a fight, well more of him yelling at me and telling me to leave. So a couple days."

"Adler, it's Sarah's passing anniversary today." My heart clenches. "How could I be so stupid?" I mumble and Denise puts her hand on my shoulder. "He never told you did he?" I shake my head and continue to stare at the ground. "Should I go over there or give him space?" I never had to deal with the kind of thing in past relationships, what it appropriate? "Give him today and go over tomorrow." I nod and we finish closing up the restaurant.

The rest of the night I spend contemplating if I should go over or just call him. I move about my apartment cleaning and keeping myself busy.. I settle for a phone call because he can always ignore it without having to feel guilty about sending me away, especially when I drove all the way there. It rings once, twice, three times and then goes to voicemail. It is 11pm maybe he's sleeping?

"Hey B, I know its been a couple days but Denise just told me what today is so I'm calling to check in on you and see if you want me to come over. I lo-
I'll talk to you later. Goodnight."

I change my clothes and get ready for bed. I put my hair in a bun and wash my face when there is a pounding at my door. Not a knock, a loud banging. I walk over cautiously because I don't hear any voices. I stand on my tip toes to look through the peep hole and I see Brendon leaning against my door. "Brendon?" I ask through the door. "Addie, let me in...please." His voice is enough to make me cry and I hate it. I slowly open the door and he braces himself on the frame. "What are you-"

"I'm sorry Addie, I'm so sorry, please don't leave me too." His arms wrap around my body and he holds me so tight its uncomfortable. I try to hug him back but he is holding my arms down unintentionally. "B. Come in," I say and he steps back from me to walk inside. When Brendon is finally in the light I hold back a gasp because he looks wrecked. He hasn't shaved in days, his hair is just lying across his forehead and he smells of weed, alcohol and has a pack of cigarettes in his flannel pocket. "Oh Brendon..." I say quietly. "Sarah died today." He starts and I just stand there and listen. "She left me, to live in this cruel world alone." I move closer to him a little bit. "She said she would never leave me," he's crying again, softly, the tears just streaming down his face with no sobs. "Brendon it wasn't her choice to leave you." I try but its on deaf ears, the fact its been 6 years and he's still this messed up solidifies what they had and I'm just here. I will never have what Brendon has with Sarah, and it saddens me. "She was perfect. Her eyes, her hair, her body, her laugh, her smile." His shoulders start shaking and I'm torn between hugging him or not. I settle for grabbing his hand. He looks at me when I do. "Addie, you're perfect too." He whispers and I close my eyes looking down. "Brendon I'm not and thats ok."

He pulls me closer and grabs my face with the palm of his hand. "No but you are, and..."

I open my eyes to look up at him. "And I don't want to forget her." He whispers and furrows his eyebrows in pain. I hold his face in return, "you won't and if you ever want to talk about her or reminisce we can. I'm not going to make you hold those feelings in. They're yours to cherish." Brendon kisses me. His lips move lightly over mine until he pulls away. "When I close my eyes I don't see her anymore, I see you." He explains weakly. I open my mouth to say something but just end up closing it again. "I-I know its scary," Brendon walks away to sit on my couch. I assist him in removing his flannel, leaving him in a white t-shirt. His shoes and pants are next and he lays down. I guess we are done talking. "Addie lay with me." He mumbles when I walk away. "Then come to bed love," he sits up and trudges his way over to me and I grab his hand and escort him to my bed. "I'm sorry Addie." He repeats again and I tuck him in the covers. "Its ok, Brendon."

"I love Sarah."

"I know you do." He drifts off to sleep.