[completed ] Choi San was too busy breaking everyone else's heart, to keep an eye on his own. And when a player gets played, things get messy...
And possibly deadly.
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「I don't like who I've become A hollow shell of someone And I feel like a stranger to myself 」
♫ memphis may fire; the old me
✩ s a n ✩
While time was passing by on the cold steel watch in his hand, time around him was standing completely still.
San had never thought he ever would see Hongjoong look this angry. The golden locks were pushed away with a shaking hand, and Hongjoong slowly turned to walk away.
"Wait..." - but San didn't know what for.
His mind was empty, and words were nowhere to be found. Hongjoong did stop for a second, only to glare back at him with raging fire in his brown eyes.
"Why?" he asked. "So you can lie to me some more? Or hurt me, like you hurt-..."
Hongjoong pinched his eyes closed, as he swallowed the name that couldn't even leave his lips with that sentence - and it made San look away as well.
"Tell me there is more to the story than this..." Hongjoong then whispered, making a small move with his hand that was clenched around his phone. "Tell me... It was some sick kink you guys had... Just... Tell me anything..."
San bit his lower lip, while his fingers ran over the sheet - over the spot where he had held Hongjoong tight all night, leaving soft kisses on his shoulder and whispered words that even made butterflies flutter in his own stomach.
And that was when he realized that in his pursuit of taking the stripper down, to break his heart and leave him a giant broken mess, San had lost himself on the way - and in the end it was his own heart that was meant to be the one broken. He had lost track of his goal, and he had let the battle with Seonghwa interfere with his life to an extend that was out of his control.
"It... It wasn't..." he lowly mumbled.
The war between him and his older brother would claim its casualties, San had known that for a long time - but that it would be himself who'd be the first one, had come as a surprise.
"You're fucking sick!" Hongjoong growled, and the coldness in his voice made it clear that he would never be able to forgive San for what he had done.
It was a deep stab straight in the heart, when San had to admit to himself that he didn't deserve to be forgiven - not by Hongjoong, or the world, and with his plans far from done he would probably never get anywhere near a redemption.
"What else did you do, San? Did you leave marks and beat his body as well?"
"What?" The accusation came as a surprise, and caused San to turn his head to meet, what he assumed would be, Hongjoong's furious eyes again. But the brown eyes had teared up. "No I... I didn't."
"How can I ever trust anything you say again?" Hongjoong lowered his head, and with slow steps he moved towards the door. "I saw the bruises on his body, and he didn't even let his boyfriend touch him... And now I know why..."
"I'm telling you, I didn't do that!"
Shoving the comforter away, San got out of bed - got dressed faster than ever before, but then he just stood there awkwardly with a deadly distance between them. Hongjoong rolled his eyes, but it was hard to tell if it was a reaction to San's words, or to hold his tears back.
"I didn't do that," he repeated. "It must have been S-..."
Seonghwa's name was right on the tip of his tongue, and San knew that his brother didn't only get quite possessive but also obsessive when it came to people he claimed he "loved". But that was a mess San didn't want to drag Hongjoong into - not right now at least.
"- S... Someone else..." he then said.
"I... I can't take anymore of this... Don't come near me ever again!" With those words, the distress flowing so clearly in his voice, Hongjoong walked out of the bedroom - slamming the door behind him.
The silence he left behind, was swallowing San - letting him burn in the vicious flames of his self-made hell. With a sigh, he sat down on the bed again, watch in one hand and his phone in the other.
His eyes followed the thin second hand around, several times until minutes had passed by without him moving at all. This stupid material thing that had caused all this mess - steel as cold as he thought his heart was, but now he knew it in fact was still beating. Although, it was clinging onto life, bleeding out and crying with pain.
No pretty lies or sweet apology could fix this, and deep down San didn't want to. It had only just begun, and getting hurt himself on the way was what he had to live with - as a part of the bigger picture, a broken heart didn't mean a thing.
But it did hurt, a whole lot. His entire body felt like burning up, and even worse than when his father had left those damn burn marks on his skin. He wanted to scream, tear his own skin off to get rid of the itching pain he felt inside - but he knew he couldn't. It was his cross to bear, and he was so close to the end that he couldn't give up now.
San exhaled extra sharply, as he raised the hand which held the phone and found the number he needed to call. The dial tones were loud and scratching his ears, while he waited for the call to be answered.
"It's me," he said. "Yes he has seen it. Meet me at the usual spot."
✩
Thunder was rumbling from the sky, and rain knocking against the windows of the rundown bar, at the far end of town. San sat in the dark corner, with a drink in front of him while he constantly looked to his watch to check the time.
"You're late," he muttered, as a person showed up on the other side of the old wooden table.
"The detour takes forever, you know that."
San just nodded, he did know that - it was not safe for anyone to meet up with him, not with Seonghwa's people all over the city keeping an eye on everything he did. But giving the older a small victory might calm him down for a while, or so San wanted to believe.
A black hat, threw a dark shade of the face in front of San, leaving the identity of the man completely hidden and the deep voice coming from underneath seemed even more terrifying that way.
"I never doubted that Seonghwa would do what I wanted him to, with that information," San scoffed, but he knew it was too early to feel victorious yet.
Still, it pleased him greatly that the older had fallen for it so easily, and it would most likely give San some time to set up the next part perfectly. The only downside to it, was how guilty he actually felt when he had to rewatch the things he had done - but that wasn't something he had no time to dwell on right now.
Although, the pain and disgust on Hongjoong's face wasn't as easy to get rid off as San had thought it would. When time was right, he would make it up to him - even if it wouldn't change anything between them, at least he wanted to be able to say he tried.
He also knew he had to move fast now. The video being in Hongjoong's possession wasn't quite part of his plan, and if the stripper would do something like handing it over to the authorities, San would watch his golden opportunity to take Seonghwa down fall straight out his hands.
But that was a sorrow meant for another day, and tonight, when he raised the glass of some questionable Whisky, he couldn't help but let go of a little smirk.
