50 Shades of Ariana

42

Each day I examine my stomach up until the ultrasound appointment.

It didn't seem to budge, but it started to form a very unnoticeable ball at the lower part of my stomach.

Today would determine if my motherly intuition was correct.

Honestly, I don't know what to do after I find out.

I can't leave.

I'm sure Ariana wouldn't allow it and I'm pretty sure she has some type of custody over my unborn child just in case I DO attempt to leave.

This trapped feelings felt horrible and it ate my entire soul up.

Connecting the dots means I started the day she drugged my drank and flown me here for the treatment.

I must've been heavily sedated once I started the treatment, but I felt no pain and haven't had bleeding.

I guess it means it was a success.

I'm proud of my body if so, I guess.

"Arielle Anderson." The nurse calls from the back and I just feel sweaty and nervous.

Ariana takes my hand and we walk to the room we are escorted to.

"The doctor will be in here shortly." The nurse says with a smile and leaves.

She looks like the type to expose us to TMZ.

I nod and start playing with my fingers.

If Ariana had me pregnant, what do I do?

I'm still stuck at that.

The doctor comes in and smiles at me.

"Ready to see a baby?" She grins as she preps the machine.

I didn't even respond.

I was terrified.

She raises my shirt and puts the ultrasound wand on my stomach.

She moves it and the silence that fell upon us was making me nauseous.

The vomiting or should I say morning, afternoon, and evening sickness has not left yet.

Even with Ariana's "pills".

"Oh. There it is." The doctor says with excitement.

My soul dropped and I didn't seem to be able to function.

I was incredibly happy, but also very upset.

All of my thoughts came crashing on top of me as one.

Ariana had to lie.

Sperm doesn't just land inside of me.

Dancing?

I have to stop for awhile and I don't know how I'll be when I return.

My family?

Marriage is important to them and they haven't made amends with Ariana either.

I look like a clown. I'm officially the circus.

"Here you go and congratulations." She says with a warm smile after handing me the ultrasound pictures.

I stare at it some more and see the tiny embryo forming.

"Are you okay?" Ariana asks, breaking the brick wall of silence.

"You lied." is all I say.

"No I didn't." She says matter of factly.

"Yes you did." I now had tears burning my eyes. I could feel that they were bloodshot almost immediately.

"How did I?" She gives me a amusing look.

"You said I wasn't pregnant."

"Only because I didn't know."

"You said you didn't impregnate me."

"Because I didn't. A doctor did."

"You gave him consent when I didn't give you any!"

I looked at her in disbelief and anger. I throw the ultrasound at her and walk out.

Eyes fall on me as I storm out to Ariana's car.

Ariana quickly followed behind.

I turned to her.

"What if I go get an abortion HUH?! What would you do?!"

Her face fell dark.

"You wouldn't.."

"I would. It's my body right!"

I could feel the tension rising and I knew her anger was boiling over at my preposition.

If she could grip me by the neck right now, I would be in the sky.

I wasn't serious about the abortion, but I wanted her to get that happiness off that face of hers.

How does she get away with such illegal shit?

She gets me and a baby, but what do I get?

I open the car door and get in without another word. She also follows in the same pursuit.

After about five minutes, she speaks up.

"Why are you doing this to me? We wanted this baby." She says with tears.

Why is she trying to play the victim?

"Correction: YOU DID." I snap.

"No correction: When you found out you weren't pregnant, you claimed to have wanted it all along." She says eyeing me.

"Ariana, I was mourning. I loved the idea, but I've realized I don't actually want it. I wanted to wait."

"You can't seem to make up that fucking mind of yours."

"Nor can you." I mumble which causes her to yank my hair from the driver's side.

I winced as she held a strong grip on my hair from the scalp.

It burned and stung so bad that I felt the tears starting to appear.

She lets go without a word and I rub my scalp.

"Do you see why I can't make up my fucking mind?!" I scream at her.

I turn my body away from her and cry to myself.

"I- I'm sorry." She says attempting to take my hand, but I yank away.

"You need help and if you don't get it I'm leaving."