Pain, Fear, and Forbidden Love

Chapter 1

Cover made by @Lilylonely24 If you didn't read the description, I advise you to now. THIS BOOK IS VERY TRIGGERING! THERE IS SUICIDE MENTIONS AND CUTTING AND LOTS OF DEPRESSING STUFFY STUFF STUFF. I warned you just now, so if you choose to continue reading this book that I'm not exactly proud of, it's not my fault. As always, I'm here to talk if you ever get feelings similar to Kurt's. DON'T HURT YOURSELF! Pwease...  Unfortunately, I can't promise to write 'trigger warning' every time Kurt decides to hurt himself and I'm sorry about that. I'll try but forget easily... Here's the trigger though. For the whole book. So people be warned and idk... I was gonna say enjoy but this book is depressing af and I may or may not take it down so...

"I'll get you back one day! I swear to anyone that's listening I'll get you back if it's the last thing I do!" Angel screamed.

Angel... Can you believe someone could give such an unfit name for a child? He was the exact opposite. Kurt tried his hardest to block out the sounds of the bully's calls, but it was impossible. He was running, but he couldn't feel his feet. He almost wanted to laugh. He couldn't stop thinking about the books that were falling out of his bag as he ran. He made himself believe that buying new books would be such a struggle. That was why he was crying like that, right?

Wait, that was him? He thought he'd heard sobbing. He thought he'd seen blood on his hands. He'd thought he'd seen the scrapes, cuts, and bruises all over his body. He thought... that it had to be a dream. It wasn't real... But that was what he thought last time. How real was the grave his mother was buried in? How real was his father's heart attack?

He'd hidden behind a brick wall, not knowing how far he'd run. He hadn't been paying attention. He slid down the the floor with his hand over his mouth on the off chance that the repulsive child had followed him. The tears had long since formed, but were only now spilling over. They stung each bruise they passed. Kurt grabbed his now empty backpack, and ran as fast as he could to the empty place he once called home.

*********three years later*********

When Kurt walked into the hospital room, he felt the exact same pain he felt the day his mother died. The smell of hand sanitizer seemed to stick with him and he absolutely hated it.Normally, Kurt didn't like to go see his father. It depressed him more than he already was. Still, it had been a month, and he'd be wrong to say he didn't miss him. Burt had been awake for once which was a good sign. The usual hug and greeting came before Kurt pulled out his laptop to do his schoolwork.

"Kurt..." Burt whispered.

Kurt looked up from his computer in response. He didn't talk much these days.

"I signed you up for school... A private school..."

"I'm already in a private school, dad."

"An all boys private school in Westerville." Burt continued. "There people there to help-"

"Wait, you mean not online?"

Kurt's voice had gotten slightly louder, just above a whisper. He was silently panicking, knowing that this meant human interaction, something he was not good at. On top of that, his father had said all boys school. It would be even harder to suppress the urge. He couldn't allow such a nightmare to come true.

"You start next week..."

Kurt was speechless. His father had signed him up for one of the worst things he could imagine. He wasn't strong enough to object though, and he knew his father only wanted to help him.

"It'll be good for you." Burt said, sensing Kurt's uneasiness. "You need to live your life, Kurt. Move on from your past and get out of whatever hole you've dug."

Kurt didn't respond. He closed his computer, shoved it in his bag, and left the room. He went home to find the three bags containing school supplies.

Rachel must've picked them up. Kurt thought.

He sighed knowing he had exactly three days until social suicide began. He went to his room to clear his mind and found himself eyeing a small silver box. He knew what it contained, but he'd told himself he'd stopped. He had to stop. Worrying his father was the last thing he needed, and yet he wandered over to it, and slowly opened the container. As soon as he saw the metallic creatures, he closed the box.

He couldn't do it again. He shoved the box into his bag for desperate measures, and then crept into bed. He had to make the most of his last days in freedom. He didn't sleep. He hadn't slept in days. Instead, he stared up at the ceiling for eight hours until morning. His father had been sending him messages since he'd left the hospital, but he had no energy to answer them.

Today was different, however, and he needed to know what was to be expected of him. He read through the texts stating that he'd be living in dorms with a roommate. (TRIGGER WARNING!) This couldn't be happening to him! He grabbed the box, and then the blade. It seemed foreign in his hand, but he still remembered the feeling. His arms began to sting like before, and he felt that the only way to cure it was to...

Time passed quicker than Kurt thought. He almost didn't remember the fact that he'd drawn lines of red all over his arms. (END OF TRIGGER) He also didn't realize the tears until they dripped onto the cuts and made them sting just like they had three years ago. He didn't feel well at all. He felt weak, and his brain only seemed to replay the horrible events of that night. He'd done the same thing then, and it took a long time to truly stop. That didn't mean it was impossible to go back. He didn't want to believe it, and he didn't. Not then, not now, and seemingly not ever.

Thoughts?

Constructive criticism is appreciated.