Pain, Fear, and Forbidden Love

Chapter 6

He didn't go very far. Kurt stood near the park he somehow knew. He was so sure before that he'd never been to Westerville before last month and yet he felt a sudden sense of home. It must've been some sort of dream that resembled this place. That's when it hit him. It wasn't the place, it was the smell. 

He searched for about two minutes before finding the source: Roses. 

*********

"M-mom?"

"Yes?"

"Why do you always smell so good...?"

She laughed. It was soft and somewhat quiet. When Kurt stared up at her he knew nothing could possibly tear away his focus. She was beautiful and she knew it. 

"It's perfume, Kurtie." She whispered. 

"P-perfume? They let you wear perfume in the hospital?"

Elizabeth smiled at her son. He was so young and innocent. Eight year old Kurt would remember this, she realized. And he did. 

"It's the roses." she whispered. "They make the perfume with roses..."

*************

"Roses..." Kurt repeated.

He sat down on one of the benches near the park. It was getting late and he felt if he didn't do something soon, he'd be there all night. He was staring at the floor, so when a black lanyard attached to a key fell and dangled before him, he jumped. Of course it was Blaine. 

"Whatcha doing?" He asked casually.

Kurt looked up at him, searching for some sort of emotion. Pity, laughter, anger even. What he saw instead was entirely casual like as if he didn't almost have to file a missing person's report. Kurt didn't realize the only word he could say was roses until he tried to say something else. It didn't work.

"Kurt?"

Humiliation. He had to find a different word. Simple.

Don't waste his time

"S-sorry..."

"For what?"

Is he serious?

It was dark now and the street lamp was only thing keeping Blaine's face illuminated. When there was no answer, Blaine held out his hand for Kurt to take. It wasn't awkward... somehow. Kurt slowly placed his hand in Blaine's as if he might suddenly drop it. But when their hands were tangled together, Kurt stood. It was the smile Blaine had given, one he'd only used once: now. Kurt obviously didn't know that part yet, and let Blaine walk him back to the dorm. 

On the walk there, Blaine was relatively quiet. Two things he had witnessed: Angel and roses. He was unsure of what either meant but he could felt himself getting angry. His job - no - his passion, was helping people. He was sure of that, and Kurt was no different. Except he was different. He'd wanted to help people before, he needed to help Kurt. 

He wanted to understand whatever pain Kurt was feeling but he was so closed off it proved to be nearly impossible. Kurt was always trying to stay out of the way. And he was always apologizing like as if he'd even done anything wrong. It was when they got back to the dorm that Blaine realized why.

He'd done the same thing before he moved to Dalton. He was sure of what caused at least some of Kurt's pain now: bullying. Meanwhile, Kurt was trying his hardest to push away the memories of his mother so he wouldn't cry. He hated crying. It was always against his will. 

"Hey, Kurt...?" Blaine whispered.

Kurt looked up to find Blaine with a troubled expression. He grew slightly worried when he realized it was similar to the one he had earlier that day. 

"Yeah?"

"Are you...-"

"I'm fine." Kurt quickly answered. "I just thought about something, that's all."

"You kind of think about a lot of things... a lot."

The taller quickly silenced himself. He wanted to object, but there was no way he'd say anything now. He couldn't. Not without spilling his guts. He closed his eyes for a second and when he opened them again he found Blaine's eyes.

Shit.

Just looking at them was absolutely mesmerizing. He knew in that moment he wouldn't be able to stop himself.

"Kurt...?"

Stop saying my name like that! Ugh, you're making this impossible!

"Is that so...?" Kurt whispered. 

"Well, yeah.... You just... I don't wanna force you to say anything..."

Could've fooled me

"I'm scared..."

Both Kurt and Blaine gasped. He'd done it. He'd begun telling someone the truth! Someone he met a month ago! Why!? Damn, those eyes! Blaine was shocked he'd finally gotten a sentence out of Kurt that wasn't 'sorry' or 'I'm fine.' 

"What are you scared of...?"

Hey guys this is random but I found a song... and I'm obsessed with it. Before you ask, no, it's not from Glee. One of the only other songs I listen to: Idontwannabeyouanymore

That's literally the name of it. It's on Spotify... It's by Billie Eillish. She makes a lot of awesome (and honestly kind of depressing) music. Don't judge me, I'm a moody 14 year old. Her music gets me in my feelings. Anyways, you should check it out peeps! 

Oh and just because anyone reading this isn't homophobic I get to put this song here: I just kinda wish you were gay

I know, I know. Ironic lmao. My strange addiction is also really good. Okay I just love all things Billie Eillish so yeah. There's a good album for ya. Ok bye chiefs!