Until We Lose Ourselves

47

"There is something wrong, there always is!"

"How come we can't look at each other anymore?"

"And I know what it is, but I won't say it."

"It's not too late yet..."

Eden and Jonah performed their duet, in front of the cameras set up. They smiled at each other, before Jonah ran up to the one closest to him, ending the video.

Eden turned off the other camera.

Once all were off, Eden turned to Jonah. "That was fun."

"Yeah." Jonah looked up from the video, grinning.

"Are you hungry yet?"

"Yes, I'll fix something up."

"We both will. Together." Eden took his hand, pulling him to the kitchen. They worked together, laughing and messing around too.

"I would believe that you don't." Eden said.

"And why is that?"

"You wash your hair, and they stay the same curly mess they are? Dude, no." Eden scoffed.

"At least I'm not a ginger. I'd be washing my hair every second to get that colour off."

Eden gasped, "You're a soggy nacho, honestly."

"That is a horrendous insult, Paris." Jonah looked horrified.

"Does it hurt? Now you know what it feels like when you make fun of my hair!" Eden shot back.

Jonah opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by someone.

"Goddamn, what's got you two bickering like an old-"

"Don't complete that sentence, Sophia." Eden placed her hand on her head, sighing dramatically.

"How'd you get in?" Jonah asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Oh, just your dog knows how to open doors." Sophia smiled. "How was the wedding?"

"It was alright." Eden said.

"It was amazing. There was such amazing food. And the reception... The end of the night was mind-blowing." Jonah smirked.

"That's a pun, if I've ever heard one." Eden said, fighting to hide her smirk.

"What?" Sophia was confused.

"He's mentioning a blow-job he received." Eden informed her.

"Gross! I didn't need to know that!" Sophia scrunch up her face in disgust.

Eden laughed, walking over to the other side of the counter where Sophia stood. "Given to him by none other than me." She said, loud enough for Jonah to hear, who laughed when Sophia put her hands on her ear, yelling gibberish.

"Goddamn, you're one vulgar couple." Sophia's eyes were wide.

Eden was more entranced by the sight of Jonah regaining his confidence and bad-boy personality in front of her. It made her fall more in love with him, as much as she tried to ignore it. He was gorgeous. Everything from his lovely hair to his heart. Everything.

"Why don't you introduce us to your girlfriend, Sophia?" Jonah asked.

"I will, in due time."

"I bet they're one of those cheesy couples that give each other weird nicknames." Eden winked.

"Oh we certainly are, and you're going to have to deal with us." Sophia smirked.

"I think you just got yourself in trouble." Jonah said, his eyes on Eden.

Eden paused. "Shit."

"Yeah, we're going to annoy the shit out of you. You're gonna regret bullying me like this." Sophia pouted.

Eden pursed her lips. Jonah laughed at her expression. "Sophia always keeps her word, you're fucking dooned." He told her.

"Don't think you're getting away either, fake boyfriend." Sophia smiled at him.

.

Jonah closed his eyes, tightly, trying to block out everything he was thinking. He felt utterly horrible. Social media was to blame for it. But whatever was on there was true. There was nothing worth appreciating about him.

He reminded himself of all his achievements, his hit TV show, his movies, his songs. It didn't help. He wanted to pull his hair out in frustration, but he wasn't going to. He touched his stomach, and his hand moved around, feeling the bones. He was thin. Not the sick kind, but still so thin. His shoulders weren't very broad either. Other than his height, his figure was small as hell.

What worthy could anyone see in him? He was scrawny, his face had freckles, he hated them, the only good thing was his hair, but what good were they even?

Eden didn't know he was awake beside her. She faced away from him, going through her phone. There were a few texts from Marie, and Abigail from her new label.

Jonah also turned to his side, away from her, not wanting to let her know he was awake. He felt tears prick at his eyes, but he blinked them away. He didn't want to be needy and dependent and insecure. He hated it.

Eventually, Eden put her phone down and rested away from him. She felt oddly uncomfortable with herself, but she tried to ignore it. Though, when she couldn't, she turned towards him and hugged him from behind. The night passed slowly. They felt it themselves. Eden couldn't let go of him, a sinking feeling overcoming her that he'd leave. And Jonah could only wish she'd hold him tighter.

.

The next night, Eden raised the question, "Can we remove the CCTV camera in your room? It makes me uncomfortable."

Jonah looked at her nervously, before looking back down at the script. "Sure."

There was a short pause. "What are we?"

Jonah looked up again. "I beg your pardon?"

"Like, are we back to the friends with benefits stage?"

"I don't know... If that's what you want, then yeah."

"Are you seriously going to disregard this?" Eden asked firmly.

"What?" Jonah furrowed his eyebrows.

"You act as if it's of no importance."

"I- it is of importance, Eden, I'm just-"

"Then why don't you act like it? Or did you just say that you wanted me as in wanted me in bed with you?" Eden threw the accusation.

"I didn't realize it came off like that." He was quiet for a moment. "I really like you."

Eden rolled her eyes. "Yeah right."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You like the sex, not me."

"I swear it isn't like that." He felt all his effort at getting better and more confident, crumble.

"Really, Jonah? Because it doesn't really make sense that after all the differences we had in the beginning, suddenly we'd want to be with each other."

"It's not sudden. It's been nearly two years, Eden. Unless you don't like me back. That's a different thing entirely."

"So you're going to turn this on me now? I'm trying to know if this isn't just about the sex. Actually, don't even answer. I'm tired." And she stood up abruptly, unaware of what state she was leaving him in. Sad and heartbroken.