Until We Lose Ourselves

41

"You haven't eaten since yesterday, Jonah." Eden said softly.

Jonah didn't reply. He felt hungry, but each time the previous night flashed in his mind, he would lose his appetite.

"What's troubling you?" She placed a hand on his. "Tell me, maybe I can help."

Jonah put his head in his hands. "Trust me, you can't."

"Please. Tell me. I don't want to see you like this."

"I wish you didn't have to see that."

Eden furrowed her eyebrows. "See what?"

"Last night, that epic breakdown I had, I wish you weren't there. I wish you hadn't seen it." He growled, putting down his head.

"What are you saying? You could have hurt yourself if I wasn't there. You could've overdosed on pills, you-"

"Don't think I'm so incapable of taking care of myself." He groaned.

"Everyone has their moment when they are vulnerable, Jonah. It's alright. You're human, it happens with us humans."

"It happens, but others don't necessarily witness."

"I- Jonah, I don't know what to say, but I'm glad I was there." She said firmly. "I'm glad to have stopped you from taking those pills, even if you weren't going to overdose. I'm glad to have calmed you down. I... I feel like I was finally able to do something for someone I- for someone."

"I don't want to be that way, the way I was yesterday." He said quietly.

"You'll heal. It's fine to not be fine, but you'll also be fine, I know it's hard, I... Just, eat, Jonah." She pleaded.

"I don't want to."

"I felt how small your body was in my arms last night. I'm afraid... I... I shouldn't force you, but eat regularly, please. I'm leaving you with the food. Eat before night time." She sighed, about to leave him to himself.

"Wait, why aren't you eating?" He stopped her.

Eden paused. "I... Forgot. And... I'll do dinner directly. My stomach feels weird." She excused herself.

.

It was stress that triggered the upset stomach, she knew. She wasn't able to eat, and she couldn't even make sure Jonah ate, for she stayed in her room, having to throw up in her bathroom sometimes too.

She felt awful, and Jonah figured out. He pulled her hair into a ponytail, before she went into a lying down, knee hugging position again.

He set down the medicine an the bedside table after feeding her, and rubbed circles on her back. "Do you want me to call Millie? Or Lili?"

"What, you can't take care of me?" She asked, sitting up.

"I can, I just thought-"

"I've only thrown up twice, I don't need a girl to help me out. Don't get too ahead of yourself."

Jonah sighed. "What if... You're..."

"Jonah, the doctor came in, she said there was nothing too bad except for some messing up in my stomach."

Jonah pursed his lips. "I hope she's right then."

"I'm fine. Other than the throwing up, I'm completely fine." She reassured him, not really knowing why he was so worried.

Jonah smiled, and she suddenly pulled him into a hug.

.

Eden was fine soon after. She felt better, and knew her regular medicine was messing up her guts.

With a sigh, she knew she had to lower her intake. She had no prescription. The drugs were illegal for her, but she knew her problems, and she knew how to deal with them.

It took three weeks for their song to go to the top ten of the charts. It peaked at number three for five weeks. It was still good, given they weren't even full time singers. But they used to be infamous enemies, so people were curious.

And they celebrated, at their house, by dancing around in front of each other, and crashing into each other's arms, laughing, the music blaring.

They collapsed on the couch after a while, laughing.

And they spent their night with some junk food and a movie. They wouldn't admit it, but it was the happiest they had been in a while. They were so close, the entire night, the conversation flowing, the laughs sounding. Eden hugged his arm throughout the movie, and he placed his head on her shoulder. His curls tickled her face, and she wanted those moments to last forever.

They met up with everyone, except Dean, went to see Raven, though Eden fell asleep on the way back, and woke up in her own bed with no recollection of how she got there, went out and had fun.

And it was two weeks of building intimacy, before it was time for Eden to go back.

.

Eden sat on Jonah's bed, his head in her lap, her fingers massaging his head and tangling his hair.

It was calm, and they both ignored that she was leaving for two more months.

The time they had spent together had been so much fun, they spent it like two people in a new relationship, though they didn't even kiss. The formality that had disappeared after so much effort, was only to come back when she did, and they both hated it.

Eden noticed he was slipping off to sleep, and kissed him on the forehead, immediately getting a response in the form of a sleepy grin and blushing cheeks. It made her heart jump. She loved his smile. She loved everything he did. The way he stood, or focused when he wrote, or how his eyebrows furrowed when he sang, the way his eyes danced anywhere but her face when he felt slightly embarrassed, she loved it all.

She hated that after helping him get better, she was still the same, and she was still afraid that she'd hurt him, and she still knew she would.

.

Eden dialled for Jonah, and once he picked up, she said, "I got to my apartment a few minutes ago."

"How was your flight?"

"Boring. Airplane food was not great, but the cake piece, mmm..." She sighed dreamily.

She heard a chuckle. "I'm disappointed you enjoyed cake without me."

"Don't be silly. I could never enjoy cake without you, you were there in my mind." Eden bit her lip. Why did she let stuff like this slip out?

Jonah laughed. "And you're in my ear, apparently, as I eat apple pie."

"Where'd you get that from?"

"Sophia brought it over."

Eden's heart sunk. "Oh. Well, I better get to the unpacking, and then rest. I'm exhausted."

"Yeah. I'll talk to you later." He promised, before she ended the call.