UNCHANGEABLE - TIAOM

07

it was a mistake being near pie for that long.

it was a mistake indulging herself too much in the other woman's presence.

it was a mistake because kim can't stop thinking about her. it's like there is an endless obsession of pie crashing into her.

pie.

pie.

pie.

and kim can't stop the noise, can't stop the voices in her head.

it was an enormous mistake spending too much time together with them because kim's missing her so badly even she's not supposed to.

it was a mistake because her brain is yet again flashing memories from a long time ago--memories they shared. kim's all out and drowning in these memories. she's not even sure how to handle herself when she's having episodes like this.

it's like all the changes that happened in her life doesn't affect this aspect of herself--couldn't affect anything that's pie-related.

all the new things and new people just disappear. and whenever this happens, kim gets teleported to a specific joyful moment with pie, then her mind won't be able to tell anymore which is reality and which is a memory.

so she'll stay there and be happy.

she'll live in that moment as long as she can, or as long as her brain permits her to.

because she can feel pie like she's really there, touching her.

because she can hear pie's voice whispering sweet things in her ear.

because she feels complete all over again with pie beside her.

it's unfair because once the effect wears off, reality would sink in and kim would need to face the truth that while pie is moving on with her life, she's stuck at where she is. she can't run away.

hell, why would she want to run away in the first place? pie's memory is her internal sanctuary, her safe haven.

since she was a child, it was hard for kim to deal with her episodes. it was noisy and chaotic and unsettling. she was like that for years.

she doesn't have the will to live and the drive to do anything new.

she's just living because her body won't give up on her yet.

so she went on with her life, hoping one day her suffering would end.

but everything changed when she met pie. for the first time in years, kim finally found the first beautiful thing she got stuck on, the first thing that brought her peace, the first thing that made her feel complete.

but that was a long time ago now and pie's not hers anymore. kim can't breathe thinking peter could be hugging and kissing and touching her at this very moment.

she clenches her fists. no, she can't let herself drown in that.

so she wraps an arm around suzy's waist and pulls the woman closer to kiss the base of her neck. kim's mouth slides along the other woman's skin as she kisses her way to the tender spot below suzy's ear.

this elicits a moan from suzy, and kim loves it.

she went on, pleasuring the woman over and over because suzy's voice seems to pull her out of pie's memory pool.

this is the only escape she could think of because she knows that no matter what happens pie will never be hers again.

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