UNCHANGEABLE - TIAOM

11

"so, how are you holding up?"

kim, who's lying on the couch, hears jane's voice who sits behind her.

"better. i can no longer hear the voices."

"that's nice. do you remember when exactly the voices stopped?"

kim's eyes darts left and right before she settles looking straight ahead. "they seem to disappear when..."

"go ahead," says jane encouragingly. "it's better if you tell me everything with no filters, kim."

"okay." kim breathes in. "the voices seem to stop whenever pie is around me." she pauses, waiting for jane to speak. but the doctor stays silent. "they will still come back but the reoccurrence lessens, and it keeps decreasing until they go away permanently."

jane hums. "what do you think pie is doing that silences these voices?"

kim takes a bit of time to respond. "can't say. but i think it's because i've always seen her as home--my home--when we were still together. maybe that impression stayed with me even after we broke up, a reason i feel calm and at ease whenever she's around--like i can finally relax from a long and tiring day."

"hmm. do you see katie in the same way?"

kim remembers overhearing pie's conversation with jane last night. "katie brings me a different feeling, like whenever i see her all i wanted to do is protect her, make her happy, and make sure she's loved and taken cared for."

"mmm-mmm. with the things you mentioned about katie, do you remember feeling something like that towards another person?"

"well, it's almost the same with my affection towards pie, but it's different in a way. it's like..." she clicks her tongue, unsure of what to say.

"it's like the affection of a parent towards an offspring," says jane. "is that what you wanted to say?"

kim wants to glance at jane from behind her but her cast won't allow her to do so. "yeah. i guess you're right. it's like how pie is to katie."

jane taps her pen on her notebook. "so, how do you feel about pie doing these things for you?"

"happy," says kim in a blink. but another feeling replaced it. "and scared."

"what are you scared of?"

"i'm scared because i know she's trying to build me up again like what she did before; fix me slowly, piece by piece, until i become whole again. but i know she won't be staying, jane. and i don't know what will happen to me again after all of this is over."

her statement hangs in the air and kim could feel jane is thinking this thoroughly.

"i'm curious," jane speaks again. "have you had these attacks before when you broke up?"

that makes kim think. "i was depressed but i don't think i've had attacks like these because i was busy with sau operations." she tilts her head to the side. "i'm still busy now with a lot of work stuff before this happened so i'm not sure what caused it..."

jane stays silent as she keeps tapping her pen on her notebook. "i think i know what's missing in you..."

"please tell me it's not love life."

jane chuckles. "it's somehow related to that but much bigger than that." she walks over to the couch and taps kim's forehead with her pen. "you're lacking a purpose, kim. a purpose."

kim creases her forehead. "a purpose?"

"yup, a purpose." jane sits on the sofa across kim. "a reason to live. a flame to keep you burning. a drive to keep you going. you don't have that anymore after you were dismissed from sau. your current work--these endorsements and business investments--it gives you money, but it doesn't give you any sense of accomplishment because of your lack of purpose."