3. INT-GRANDMA'S HOUSE-LIVING ROOM-DUSK

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Nancy and A.E enter. The house has an open layout with archways instead of doors. Antique wallpaper and landscape pictures cover the walls.

Everywhere is spotless.

NANCY

Grandma, I'm home!

Nancy and A.E walk into the living room. There is an antique couch and armchair, with an old box-television switched off in the far corner and a gramophone in the other. The bookcases either side of the fireplace are full with old hardback books.

A wood-fire is burning gently.

GRANDMA enters, wearing a long silk nightie and thick dressing-gown, with her grey hair in a bun and half-moon spectacles.

She stands awkwardly as Nancy puts her bag down and goes to sit in the armchair.

GRANDMA

Nancy?

NANCY

(turning to face her)

Yes?

GRANDMA

When was your last period? Because I haven't seen any of your sanitary towels in a while.

Nancy frowns.

A.E

(irritated)

We've not even sat down yet!

NANCY

I don't think that's any of your business...

Pause.

Grandma wrings her hands, preparing to ask her next question. Nancy sees this and shuffles nervously.

GRANDMA

Nothing's happened with a man, has it?

Nancy and A.E stare at Grandma with gaping mouths, speechless.

A.E breaks the silence first.

A.E

(to Nancy)

Tell her we're lesbians.

NANCY

I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.

GRANDMA

Because that might explain why you've been gaining weight recently.

A.E

Right! That's it!

A.E storms out, re-entering holding a large frying-pan. She raises it above her head as she comes up behind Grandma, about to swing.

Suddenly, Grandma turns–A.E ducks out of sight just in time-and walks towards a bureau, completely oblivious. She opens the top cabinet and she pulls out various leaflets that she holds out to Nancy.

GRANDMA

I got you some leaflets on contraception and the male reproductive system. I think you should read them very carefully.

A.E sits on the floor and puts her head in her hands with a groan of embarrassment. Nancy doesn't take the leaflets.

NANCY

Grandma, I'll say this once: I am still a virgin. Not that it's anything to do with you–but when I'm not, would you like to know all the details?

A.E looks at Nancy with raised eyebrows, both surprised and impressed.

GRANDMA

(obstinately)

Fine, but if you gain any more weight, I'm taking you to the doctors for a pregnancy test.

                     A.E                                                                                                                  NANCY

      We're not pregnant!                                                                        I've not been gaining weight!

Nancy runs out the room and up the stairs. Grandma looks at the leaflets in her hands, before casting her gaze upwards towards the ceiling with sorrowful regret. Behind her, A.E rises and follows Nancy, with the frying-pan.

A moment later, a door slams.

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