Disconnected

Sorry.

• • •

The sunlight flashes my eyes through the red curtain. I'm disgusted of myself. I look over to the full body mirror. I see a really confused girl with a desperate boy sleeping next to her.

I've made countless mistakes in my life. I'm only 17 for gods sake. I grab my phone and earbuds. I'm surprised with myself. I'm not even putting on my clothes. I'm still in my bra and underwear.

I put on some music. I think people would just be more happier if I just disappeared. I'm too confused to keep one special person in my life. Luke.

I put on my clothes anyway. I leave without saying a word. I wake up Clair.

"Hi." She says.
"You weren't sleep?"
"I was I just... I just wasn't seriously asleep."
"That doesn't make sense."
"Oh well, should I take you back to Andrea's house?"
"Please."

She gathers her things. I guess she doesn't want to talk about last night.

• • •

"See you later, Rachel." She says before driving off. I grab my key to unlock the door. "Hello?" I say. There's no answer. I guess "mom" didn't come home.

I put my earbuds back into my ears. Before I can play my music, I hear the doorbell ring.

I open the door. Natalie's here. "Natalie?" I say with a confused look. "Can we talk?" She says with almost a whisper. I let her in.

"I should trust you with me, why?"
"I just want to talk. You know. About the past few years."
"Tell me." I say without questioning her.

"I just wanna say..." before she can finish her sentence, she starts crying on my shoulder. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry about everything! I'm just a screw up and a bitch to life! I was just jealous. Jealous that you were with the guy that I mostly liked. It's obvious he loves you and I shouldn't have been that fucking childish about it! Rachel, I'm so sorry!" She cries with an unstable voice. I can tell by the tone of her voice that she really means what she's saying. "Natalie-" "you don't have to accept my apology. I just wanted to say that. I'll leave now." She runs out the door. Wow.

I feel bad, but at the same time I feel like I shouldn't really. "It's obvious he loves you." Keeps going through my head. He loves me, but I don't think he will anymore. I screw up everything, actually.

I run upstairs and I decide to take a nap. "No, I'm hungry." I say to myself. I don't care, I still go to sleep anyway. Tears start rolling down my face.

-Stop crying. Stop crying.-

• • •

"Rachel?... Rach... Rach... Rachel, hello?"
I open my eyes and I let out a little scream. "How did you get in here?"
"I have a key, remember?" Luke says holding it up.

I get up really fast to hug him. "Is there something wrong?" He asks looking into my eyes. "No, nothing at all. I just missed you." I lie.

-What is wrong with me.-

"I missed you too."
"So, what do you want to do?"
"Anything." He smiles brightly.
"Okay well um... I'm gonna take a shower for a bit but you can just... entertain yourself...?"
"Okay." He giggles.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Because you sound nervous. Just take a shower babe." He smiles.

• • •

I sit on my bed to think while Luke is watching tv downstairs. Should I tell him? It's the right thing to do. It's dreadful keeping all of these terrible party memories in my mind. I was stupid enough to even let Clair take me.