if we survive

t w o

a s h

Her name was Nathalia Colman, she made me call her Colman. I didn't tell her my name, and she didn't ask. She was trying to start a fire and failing miserably, cursing each time the flame died. I watched, not caring if I froze to death. Eventually, Colman gave up and wrapped an old quilt around her shoulders.

"Why do you want to die?" She asked after about ten minutes of silence. I'd asked myself this very question time after time and multiple answers flooded my brain. It was like everything made me want to die. I had no parents, no brother, no friends, no happiness, no home, no normal human emotions, I didn't even have a left pinky finger.

"I've wanted to die since I was fourteen." I mumbled. "The apocalypse hadn't even started then and I still wanted to die."

She watched my body language. I could see her monitoring my every move like she thought I might take out a gun and put a bullet into my head right there. I knew she was wanted to know the rest of my story, I was hesitant to tell her.

"I'm not leaving you so you might as well get used to me being around." She stated. I sighed and swatted a bug away from my face.

"My older brother was my best friend growing up, we were inseparable. He went missing halfway through the day I turned fourteen, it was about a year before the first person rose from the dead." I began. "We still don't know what happened to him, the police were convinced he'd been kidnapped. My parents treated him like he was dead, and treated me like I disappeared with him. They didn't show me any recognition until we were run out of our home by lurkers. I turned sixteen three months after living on the street and they died three months after that. I'd never tried to go through with my fantasies of death until today." I glanced up at Colman to see how she'd react. She was staring at the sticks we'd gathered for the fire fiddling with her thumbs. I saw her body shivering under the quilt from the cold October breeze. I sighed and kneeled down to start the fire myself. I rubbed two sticks together like they do in movies and after a few moments a flame appeared. I immediately began blowing on it to get the flame to grow and catch onto the other sticks. I heard Colman sigh with relief when the fire was large enough to keep us warm.

"My little sister was at a friend's house when everything went into chaos. I can't find her anywhere, she's only two years younger than me and I know she can take care of herself, I just need to find her." Colman said and glanced up at me. "Her name's Valery, what's your brother's name?"

"Rory — well, his name is Holden but I've called him Rory my whole life." I shrugged. "He calls me Ash or Ashy instead of Ashton."

"Ah, you finally decide to tell me your name, took you long enough." She grinned. I just shrugged and tossed a handful of pine straw into the fire.

"I don't understand," I mumbled before glancing up at Colman, she scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. "I could have killed you, yet you kept talking to me and not leaving. Either you're an idiot or someone who trusts too easily."

"I'm neither." She stated. "I just hate seeing people die."

"You could've ran off."

"I hate knowing someone died." She glanced at me then looked back at the fire. "I knew that if I kept talking to you then you'd get distracted."

I just nodded and laid back on the cold ground with my arms folded behind my head. "Have you seen any other survivors?"

"I saw smoke from a fire last night, I was heading towards where it came from when I saw you." I heard her slide down onto her back as well. She was directly across from me but I couldn't see her through the flames. I hadn't slept in days, but for some reason Colman's presence made me immediately slip into what felt like a void, and before I knew it, I was dreaming.