The Rebound Game

One

An idle mind is the devil's workshop or in my case, a stalker's arena. I have just cancelled my plans for a girls' night out with my uni friends, Jessica and Shirley faking a toothache.

Between an evening alone with a bottle of cheap wine and listening to Jessica Odero talk about her achievements and a busy life as a trophy wife, I prefer the former.

Over the years, we have assigned ourselves roles; Jessica acting as the point of reference ,with her handsome, rich husband and living a glamorous life ( her dream come true) and Shirley Atieno is the beauty with brains who love seems to evade therefore defying all laws of nature.

Then there is me. Kate Sankale Edwards, a mixed race girl with a smoking problem and no career whose chief role is to remind you who your daughter shouldn't grow up to be.

    Or if you are a man, Kate is who your wife shouldn't be caught hanging out with.

That's what Jessica's husband, pretentious Lucas Odero always seems to think about me. I wish I were immune to the scornful expression on the bastard's face that is his version of a greeting. He would not even bother to hide it and I suppose that's what I get for being me.

Every year when we celebrate Jessica's birthday, I make a silent vow to never to put myself in a situation where I feel this way around people.
     
Unimportant and irrelevant.
   
I want to share my theory with Shirley about the division of labor but I know she would roll her eyes and say I am not being fair. The three of us were college roommates in United States International University.

Looking back, I tolerated Jess more when we were all single. She was more likable and was not so self righteous as she is now. Perhaps that's what marriage to a hot shot doctor does to you. It makes you want to fit in so desperately in the suburban life that you start thinking you are above your friends, the same people who have seen you in your worst and best.

All that Jess talks about is how they want to try for a baby next year, this new fitness program that Lucas' sister introduced her to and what books she wants to suggest to her book club friends. In comparison, Shirley is down to death with a hourglass figure to envy and a PR career that is headed somewhere. Her only flaw being her inability to call out on someone when they are taking advantage of her kindness.

She once mentioned that the shrink she visited after her messy break up with Caleb claimed that the contributing factor to her failed relationships was her nagging need for approval and a low self esteem. I had then told her that the woman must have been on crack. Really, Shirley is a PR officer for goddamnsake, confidence is like part of the job description.

I have come to terms with the fact that Jess still keeps me in her circle of friends so that she can feel better about herself. Shirley on the other hand, is a two am friend who on most days, I play her therapist listening to her rant about her on and off boyfriends in our pajamas binge watching Friends and  Law and Order; SVU.

 I am currently sprawled across the coach scrolling through my Face book feed. Imagine Dragons Bad Liar is playing in the background. I am doing a miserable job of ignoring the pack of cigars on the table that are begging me to take a puff.
 
This is my day one of abstinence and I hope I can go through the twenty four hours clean. So far, I have only placed the cigarette in my mouth without lighting it.

That of course doesn't count as cheating.