Turquoise Puppet

Chapter 4

What is it in me that you saw?

As soon as you enter your house, you sigh in relief, closing your eyes for a moment to catch your breath. That lasts only a second, because even though the door is closed, you can still hear the noises outside. You take a breath in, as if to sigh, only to release it through your nose afterwards. If you sigh now, what will you do when they decide to publish? Instead, you turn your head, glancing out the windows right beside the door for an instant, then drawing the curtains closed. Immediately the whole interior of the house darkens.

That's fine, you think to yourself. You never did live in the daylight anyway. Besides, this house feels more comfortable when dark now.

It is only now that you finally let yourself look at the state of the house.

Any sign of there having ever been a bloody conflict is gone. The floor, fortunately not carpeted, is already clean—most likely, your mother had used her spare key to pay your place a visit and clean up the mess. As you deduce this, Alec's words resurface on your mind.

Do you really enjoy their company when they know nothing of who you really are?

You shake the thought away, turning your attention to other parts of the house—parts that were not involved in the incident directly. You make your way into the study after glancing at the part of the living room which has a piano in it. The piano seems fine.

The study is where Esmae left her bag the last time she was here. It was where she always left her bag whenever she visited, until she bid you goodbye. Sure enough, her bag is still there. For now, you leave it where it is. You take a seat at your desk with your notebook and open the first page to write. Before you do, your eyes find a framed photograph sitting right before you: an old picture of you, Alec, and Esmae. In the picture, Esmae stands in the middle; you and Alec stand on either side of her. They are both beaming brightly; you wear a soft, thoughtful smile.

You look only for a second, then begin your work.

☆☆☆

The concert ended after your performance that evening, which was received with cheers. You and Esmae took your bows and left the stage, after which you introduced yourselves; you thanked her politely and she humbly denied having made any contribution, insisting that she had walked up onstage before she realized that she had. She expressed that Le cygne was something she recently learned, and that she had always wanted to play a duet with a cellist.

At this time, Alec found you, and announced his presence with a pat on your shoulder. He glanced from you to Esmae, then smiled.

"That was pretty neat!" he said. Facing Esmae again, he added, "I'm—"

"Alec Warrensword!" Esmae recognized him in a flash. This came as a surprise to both you and Alec, as you exchanged a glance that said it all. "Everyone knows you."

"Really?" he asked, more so taken by surprise than impressed, "Everyone knows you."

"Well...you see, among the girls, there is this one half that only talks about Alec Warrensword, then there is this other half that only talks about Koen Bauder," Esmae explained, gesturing with her hands to the left and right as she said the two names, one after the other. "You know, the sporty one and the musical one, the loud one and the quiet one, the sun and the moon—that sort of fantasy."

You chuckled softly. "I was somehow waiting for you to say 'the cheerful one and the depressed one'."

"That, too."

Alec laughed, taking a step ahead and tugging you by the arm such that you were at the same distance from Esmae as well. He ruffled her hair casually, and did not neglect to flash her another smile as he said his swift goodbye.

"That's some interesting thought, thanks for telling me, Esmae," Alec said, "We'll catch you later, alright? Thanks for tonight too."

Your exit was hence made flawlessly. It was Alec who weaved his way out of the crowd. He took hold of your wrist as he did, so as to not lose you along the way; and you let him, following his steps closely. After you exited the school gates but before you reached your parents' car, Alec stopped, turning back to look at you. His smile was gone, replaced by a less excited expression.

"Why are you shaking?" he asked quietly, glancing down at your wrist which he still held, indicating what exactly he meant.

"I'm not," you answered, even more softly than he.

He was about to say something more, but decided not to. Instead, he gave your hand a quick squeeze—it only took that much effort to slide from wrist to hand, after all—and released you, about to make his way to his own parents' car.

"See you tomorrow," he said, lifting his arm for a quick wave.

"See you."

You waved back, but did not move from your spot until he disappeared from view.