Turquoise Puppet

Chapter 18

You're my only evermore.

The next day, right there onstage with Zander sitting on a stool next to you, you debut your song.

What is it in me that you saw / All the fans you could live for, and you chose me / Why did I wait for the last straw / While putting us both down, I thought I was free.

Zander watches you intently, trying to figure out whence this song came. Yet, you do not meet anyone's eyes until the very end of it.

Nothing left to write about / Nobody left to sing for / No room left for doubt / You're my only evermore.

It feels as awkward as you anticipated. You almost laugh at yourself, but stop before you can start, all because you can sense that the audience down below is feeling the gravity of your words. You stand up from the piano and walk to the center of the stage. This is the first time you have ever stood in front of such a crowd—baring your soul for all to see. You have never felt more exposed, more naked—but this time, it is entirely your own choice.

"I'm incredibly grateful to Zander for having me today, at such a short notice too," you begin to say, "What I'm about to tell you might be shocking, but I hope you'll listen."

You tell them, briefly, what happened with the murder. You tell them who you are, who you were, you tell them your guilt and how, although you are confessing to them now, you do not hope for redemption. You speak because you are the only one who can. Alec Warrensword did pull the trigger, but it was not out of hatred or craze, it was because he had no other choice if he wanted to protect what he cared for to the best of his ability.

"But most importantly," you say at last, taking a breath before continuing, "Alec did end his own life, and if you are his supporter, you must be devastated. But please, don't take your own life, under any circumstance. He would never have wanted to see that."

You feel like a hypocrite all over again, saying all this while knowing you will not follow your own advice.

☆☆☆

The story appears on every headline the next day, thanks to both your appearance at Zander's show and the magazine you contacted the day before. A full interview was done before the police even had a chance to contact you again about your false testimony.

Sure, you will go back to the police station later that day. Sure. Of course you are sorry.

You hang up, and hesitate for just a minute before calling your mother.

"Hello?"

"Mom."

"Oh, dear. Koen, I see you all over the news!"

"I know. Hey, Mom?"

"What is it?"

"I love you."

"I love you too, honey."

This time, you turn your phone off. You lean back into the couch and close your eyes.

You call yourself a coward, yet you call for me, comes a voice in your head. Without a doubt, it is the same voice that spoke to you in the hospital.

I'm gallant when it comes to cowardice, you reply, smiling slightly. Would it be possible for you to tell me a few things?

That depends, my dear prey.

Why am I alive?

Alec must have hesitated at the last moment. He did not shoot you as precisely as he should. You, my prey, did not die on the spot.

Why did I recover, then? I should have eventually died even if it wasn't on the spot.

Oh, Koen Bauder. That tone of voice alerts you, as if the devil is about to tell something more alarming than what you already know. When he learned the truth of Esmae Faix's schemes, he asked me to spare you.

Your one good eye shoots open.

You know him? you question.

He is a good friend.

Is he...with you?

Down in the abyss...yes, he is. Would you care to join us?

Is this his idea too?

To help you find out the truth? No, he only wants you to live, and live well.

Then why?

Who do you think I am—no, what do you think I am, my dear prey?

You take a short pause. Then, you ask a bold question.

Can you show me your face?

You hear a chuckle, although the voice is still very much inside your own head.

A cunning creature you are. Take off your eyepatch.

You do as the voice instructs. At first, you see nothing out of the ordinary. Then, you turn your head, and gasp out loud. With your blind eye, you see clearly the form of Alec Warrensword, without question, standing behind the couch you are sitting on.

"But, you..." you say, only to trail off when you find yourself at a loss for words.

"This is naturally not my face," the devil confirms your suspicions. "But how am I to lure you to fall into my arms if I don't appear attractive to you?"

He holds your head in place as he gazes down at you from behind. Your head is raised, resting as you lean back again. Even his voice belongs to Alec.

"Then...you are saying that it was your idea to tell me the truth for this same reason?"

"Who knows? Many things in this world are ambiguous and unanswered, but one thing is for certain: Alec Warrensword is with me." The devil seems to know exactly what to say—and if he does, you do not find it surprising in the slightest. He bends forward, his—or Alec's—face next to yours. Next to your ear, he whispers, "Do you not wish to see him? In the abyss, there is no one to judge you, no time to constrain you. Once you meet...it will be forever."

"You..." How dare you use his voice like that, was what you want to say, but you find yourself swallowing those words.

"Alec might do even more, if you see him," the devil reminds you. "After all, for him, you have been the only real constraint."

"Take me."

~ fin ~