Turquoise Puppet

Chapter 11

So don't you be afraid, the world will accept you someday.

Forget what your imaginary foes might say.

Recalling that memory makes you freeze momentarily on the spot. That's right, dammit. Esmae Faix exists.

You can hardly believe that she'd completely slipped out of your mind. Your gaze falls on the bag she left behind. There seems to be no other clue for you to find, so you unzip the bag and open it. What catches your eye first is a paperback notebook. You take it out and open it—its owner is gone anyway, what is there to care about privacy? It seems to be a diary of sorts. You recognize Esmae's handwriting. The entries are scarce, but whenever there is one, it is extremely detailed.

The first entry dates back to your high school years.

May 10

I've rejected many boys now, and they keep coming still, but Koen doesn't seem bothered at all. Sometimes, they confessed right when the three of us were having lunch, ignoring Alec and Koen both. I don't know what gives them the confidence, but they do so even when they'd only recently watched someone else get rejected. Shouldn't they know by now that I probably like one of those two? It shouldn't be surprising either, given how popular they both are among the girls.

I never noticed this before, and no one seems to have noticed either, but now that I've spent so much more time with Alec and Koen, I think there's something between them. Sure, they hang out like any other guys do, but the way they look at each other is different. Especially Koen. It took me so long to realize this because, finally I noticed that even though Koen's gaze is always soft, it's also always cold. He only talks to me because I demand his attention, not because he's interested. When other guys come to me, he watches the scene like it's a movie that has nothing to do with himself; but when girls go to Alec, he does this very small smile that, after so long, I think means "try as you might, he won't like you". It's harder to tell with Alec, since he's nice to everyone. But when away from the crowd, alone, Alec grows quiet, and Koen talks more.

Yesterday, I tried asking Koen about it, but he insisted that they were just good friends who grew up together. I thought of showing him all my deductions as proof, but that would hurt my image as the "good girl". So I talked to Alec alone today. At first, he said the same thing as Koen, just in a friendlier tone. Then, I told him more. I told him what I observed and I told him I wouldn't believe it if he denied it ten more times.

Maybe he was caught off guard by my attitude. He went quiet, dropping his smile. And then he too adopted an attitude completely different from what everyone is used to. Alec pulled me into a corner of the hallway even though there was no one around to hear us anyway and covered my mouth with his hand.

"And what do you plan to do with that info?" he asked in a hushed tone. "I know you like him, but I'll have you know that it wasn't my idea to keep it quiet."

I went to remove his hand from my mouth, and when I did, he dropped his arm. Maybe covering my mouth was just a means of telling me to keep my voice down to begin with. Alec might be a sporty guy, but he's not rough at all.

I said, "I'll make him like me someday. Just make sure you don't intervene."

"What? I'll tell him right n—"

"You won't."

"The hell?"

I told him about the gang—my dad's, really, but he recently got tired of the business and stepped down, handing it to me instead. It doesn't make much difference, since the guys always knew me anyway. We're not to the scale of a whole mafia, but controlling a little town like this is no trouble. In fact, our family moved here in the first place for negotiations—but that's not the point. The point is that I told him, and he didn't believe me, which is to be expected. So I asked him to come with me tonight and I'll show him. He'll have to oblige once he's seen.

Of course, I also told him that if he doesn't come, he will have to experience it instead. Alec gave me the "how did I get into this" face. Just as he was about to say something, Koen found us. I think we were both surprised, just because we were too engrossed in our conversation and neither of us wanted Koen to know any of this yet. Koen must have found our expressions weird, but if he did, he didn't say anything.

Anyway, I'll give Alec a call now.

☆☆☆

That was indeed the first of your strange days. That day, when you found Alec and Esmae standing so close to each other, his hand on the wall next to her face...when you sensed the unexplained tension between them, your mind went blank for a second. Before you could begin to process what was happening, they had sprung apart.

"Let's go," Alec initiated, all too eager to leave.

Later that day, as you and Alec sat in your much more organized room, you asked, "What happened earlier?"

He hesitated for a moment, averting his gaze. Then, he said slowly, "She likes you."

"Oh. But...I don't," you said, even more bewildered—because you knew that there was no way you would have to explain that to Alec.

"I know," he said, then leaned back, somehow exhausted. "That doesn't mean it feels good, you know?"

You were convinced that there was something else he was keeping from you, and the thought of that left you unsettled. Alec had always been one of the most honest—even blunt—people you knew, and if he kept anything from anyone at all, it was never from you. What changed now? Nevertheless, throughout the rest of that day, he seemed resolved to not tell you anything more. In fear of being rejected, you decided not to ask.

In the evening, Alec's phone rang. He took one look at the screen, and after seeing who the caller was, he sighed but picked it up anyway.

"What? Yeah...okay. See you."

Then, he hung up.

"I'm going out tonight," he said to you.

"But we were going to watch that..."

"Another time."

"Okay...?"

Just before leaving, Alec turned and took your hands in his, finally looking you in the eyes. "Trust me," he said.

But how could you trust him when he was clearly hiding something?