Turquoise Puppet

Chapter 13

Do better than just bittersweet, if you love at all.

You put down the notebook for a minute to bury your head in your hands, taking in slow, deep breaths. Oh my god, you think to yourself, I thought I was wrong, but this is beyond what I thought I'm guilty of. It has only been a matter of an hour, perhaps, since you gave your false testimony, but your mind is changing fast.

There is no doubt which path you will take now.

Holding your emotions in, you flip to the next page. This entry is dated two weeks after Alec announced his sexuality on prime time television.

August 7

Alec Warrensword is so annoying.

After coming out as "bi" on prime time TV—which he definitely is not, by the way—he only gained more support and more fans. I've been trying to meet him in person, but only got a chance to today because it's now much harder to get a hold of him alone than it was before this incident. His face was already well-known before this, and now even people who previously had no interest in sports or celebrities in general know him. Of course, he's not the first famous person to come out, but it was during prime time that he chose to do that.

Coming out is always a big deal. The biggest deal with Alec doing that, though, is probably the old town—and Koen. Sometime, sooner or later, the fans will somehow fish out the star's past, and it's not that hard to find out that his closest friends were Koen Bauder and Esmae Faix.

That was why I met up with him today. We met in my quarters because he would not let me into his place—which I totally understand. Sitting there so comfortably in the armchair in a darkened room, he looked so much like a gangster himself. Alec didn't even try to hide the disdain he feels towards me. Despite there being several others standing guard at different corners of the room, he ignored them all, looking straight at me instead. I'm sure that the smile he shows the camera and his fans is genuine, just as genuine as the glare I'm given. I have no complaints about that; I do deserve that glare.

And he asked, "What do you want?"

"Did you talk with Koen?" I didn't want to waste my time with the man either, after all.

"No."

"He's been looking a little out of it since that day."

He snickered, and leaned forward a little. "You know how the town is. You know how the people are there. It doesn't take much to guess what happened after I talked to the host about sexuality."

I squinted at him, not wanting to look stupid.

He continued, "Our families probably called him and asked a bunch of questions. Possibly some of our old classmates who stayed in the town too."

"If they called Koen, they must have called you too. How are you so chill about it?"

"How can I not be chill about it?" He stood up then, and the guys standing by became alerted. Not many people who come into this room stand and sit as casually as he does—as if he owns the place. Alec walked to me, and I held up a hand at the others to tell them not to move. "You've done more to me than the rest of the town ever could. And probably will too. What do you think a 'family' like that means to me?"

It's a subtle confession, but it makes my days just that much harder. It means I can't just take a random unimportant family member to threaten him with if I ever need to. It means all I can use is Koen—and he knows I wouldn't want Koen to even know about this side of me. This really ticks me off, knowing that it's me who has the power but he's playing me just as much as I'm playing him—if not more so, simply because he doesn't actually have the resources to toy with.

I grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him towards me. The dudes watching must have thought of it as flirting. But the reason I grabbed his collar—and I realize this now—was I thought he wouldn't fight me. Not right there in my quarters. Not when he was outnumbered. And certainly not when it might leave me a bruise or something that I could later use against him, be it talking with Koen or otherwise.

"I don't care if you're really bi or just saying it for Koen's sake," I hissed, "You'd better act the part anyway."

"If you're thinking that he will like you when I act like I'm interested in girls, you're wrong," he said quietly, literally looking down on me.

"He will someday. I know he will. Once you take yourself away—"

And then that bastard slapped me. It wasn't too hard a slap, but it was a real slap, if you know what I mean. Again, the dudes got alerted, but I stopped them again. I understood very well it wasn't a fight Alec was picking.

"He will not," he reiterated, "Even if I cease to exist, he won't like you. Don't you get it? It's you, not me."

And then he walked out, just like that. At least I know I'm hurting him; the look in his eyes told me so. For some reason, that brings me more joy than the thought of finally getting Koen to like me.

☆☆☆

Esmae didn't ask you about Alec until two weeks or so after the talk show that made him even more well-known. You were at her place that evening, sitting on the loveseat. She had her arms around yours as she leaned against you.

"What's on your mind?" Esmae asked, gazing up at you with a coy smile.

"Zander asked me again," you replied curtly.

"To become a singer yourself?" she guessed. "I agree with him though. You have the looks, the voice, the talent...you'd be the mysterious type of idol."

You sighed. "It's too much publicity."

"Mm...yeah, I guess publicity isn't really your thing. Speaking of which, Koen, are you okay?"

"Hm? Why do you ask?"

"You've been a bit down lately, ever since...since Alec's interview. Did something happen?"

To hide any trace of true emotion, you closed your eyes, exhaling. "The families called. They very nearly disowned me too, even though I didn't say anything."

"What did you say?" asked Esmae.

"That we never discussed sexuality much, so I couldn't tell them anything."

"What about Alec? Did you talk to him about it? I mean...if what you say and what he says differ..."

Remembering Alec's unexplained warning, you opened your eyes again, studying Esmae's face, searching for any signs of oddity in her uniquely amethyst eyes. You could tell that she was testing you, but you couldn't discern what exactly she was testing you for. Was it simply jealousy, or was there something else Alec knew that you didn't?

Either way, there was no doubt who you trusted more. Esmae was only ever a tool.

"No, I didn't talk to him," you said calmly, looking straight into her eyes as you lied—just like every other lie you'd ever told. "It won't differ, because that's the truth."