Hold my heart, it's beating for you anyway

Chapter 30

It's the first anniversary of me losing Owen and Rhys. I've come to the cemetery with Jaime and Anwen to lay some flowers. I know every day I'll miss them both beyond belief but I also know Jaime and Anwen are my future. A year ago I wouldn't have been able to imagine my life being able to go on but it has.
We make our way back to the house and after making ourselves some coffee and snuggling on the sofa, Jaime asks me something.
"Cate, call me stupid but when is your birthday? I've known you all this time and it's never been mentioned."
I look at him, a tear glimmering.
"Tomorrow" I whisper. " A year ago today, Owen and Rhys had gone to buy my birthday present. They stopped at a red light and the car behind shunted them when he failed to stop. Straight into the path of a large van. The bear that has their voices was in the car. They'd bought it for me that day."
Jaime has gone pale. He shakes his head. Then wraps his arms around me in the biggest hug I could imagine. I feel the tears trickle down my face and I pull back to wipe them away. Before I can, Jaime does.
"I'm so sorry I didn't know. I feel like a crap boyfriend now" he mutters.
"It's fine" I whisper back to him.
"I'm going to the store right now to get you something" he says. I start shaking. I don't want him to leave my side today. What if fate decides to take him too? He sees that I'm trembling.
"I won't go if you're going to worry" he says, taking my hand in his. I'd rather not have a birthday present ever again than lose him too. I start shaking even more. I think I'm having a panic attack as my breathing is out of my control and the shaking is not stopping. Jaime pulls me onto his lap and gently starts rocking me. Like you would a small child after a nightmare. I realise my breathing has gone a bit more steady after a few minutes of him doing this and I close my eyes for a moment, suddenly incredibly drained. I feel Jaime pick me up and carry me to our bed. He gently lays me down and kisses me on the forehead.
"Stay" I whisper, needing the feel of him close by. He wraps his arms around me, drawing me closer to him. The exhaustion I was feeling just minutes before seems to have left my body now and I need to feel alive. I climb on top of Jaime and kiss him hard. I need to feel his touch, his warmth.