SOLUM

1.0

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It wasn't as if the lunch meeting had gone terribly bad... not at all in fact. The feeling of heaviness that washed over me in the beginning never really left and my panicking had to constantly be kept at bay, but other than that it actually went fine, which was more than I could say to any other social event.

After mister Park had asked me about myself that one time, I sort of managed to get myself out of the talking for the bigger portion of the meal and I only ever chimed in with a "Yes" or "Mhm" every once in a while, but our new contractor seemed to be pleased overall and that was all that I needed to hear.

Seokjin, who had taken his own car there, was nice enough to drive me home afterwards and he reminded me multiple times along the short drive and then once more before finally letting me out of his vehicle, that I was really good company and that the two of us should just casually eat out together more often... other than just right next to mister Jung's office.

I wasn't so sure about my life though... mister Park was nice, Seokjin was nice, Jung was nice... yet nothing felt right. Something was still off and I obviously knew exactly the reason for that very gut wrenching feeling that lingered in my stomach, but I wanted to move on, I'd tried to do that and forget about it ever since that horrible day, but nothing worked.

I wanted to be like Kim Jung Seokjin, happily delivering lunch boxes for his second love on a daily basis, heart shaped eyes that gleamed with joy upon seeing his husband.

I wanted that.

I was sprawled over my small couch, legs swung over the backrest whilst my head hanged from the seating cushions, most likely making way too much blood flow into my head and just when I felt myself go a bit dizzy, someone knocked on the door.

The only problem was that I wasn't expecting anyone... the only two people who ever visited me were Jin, who always told me beforehand, or mister Jung, who'd come along with some work related topic... but we were clearly finished for the week and I thought that I'd be able to just rest my mind for the evening, but apparently not.

No one made a sound from the other side of the door, so I relaxed my shoulders a bit, letting my head hang back down, thinking that I'd just been imagining things, when it happened again, a small rapping on the outside of my door... it was on my door right? Not on my neighbours? I could hear it sound very clearly throughout my small apartment, the echo traveling along my narrow entrance corridor and towards where I was laying in the living room.

I nervously shifted my position, crawling off of the couch and taking a few cautious steps towards the exit. When I'd reached the wooden door, I sneaked a peek through the small looking glass that was embedded into the wood, but there was no one in view.

Thinking that it was a salesman who had grown bored of waiting, I slowly took a step back, but then it was heard again, a careful knocking in some sort of rhythm. 

I hastily unlocked the door, now really suspicious of who might be disturbing me during my evening... and to my surprise, I saw my mother standing outside the door, a big gleaming smile on her face.

"Mom? What on earth are you doing here at this time?" I hissed quietly, scanning the staircase behind her to check so that no one had seen her arrive.

"I had to see you sweetie, don't worry no one spotted me" she giggled, slinking past me and into my apartment, putting down her purse on the small end-table that was placed along the shoe rack, gazing around the interior.

"Well, won't I get to see your pairing now dear?" she questioned with an expectant expression across her face, a large grin across her mouth that resembled mine so eerily much... fuck.

"He... he's out" I lied, jutting my thumb over my shoulder, probably making myself even more awkward looking than I was already feeling at that point. My mother squinted her eyes at me, before then just lightly shrugging it off, humming a small okay.

"Where to?" she asked, now picking up a small picture frame that stood on the cabinet, it was an old family photo, from when me and my siblings were all still small kids, playing in our old garden, my mom smiled at it, whilst waiting for my reply.

"He's on a business trip actually, which is good for you, because I'm not so sure he would've liked knowing that my mother doesn't care for the regulations" I stated, trying to turn the stale situation around and I could see how my short mother giggled childishly at the accusing words, but made no mention to defend her actions.

"Oh hush sweetie, I wanted to make sure that you were okay, like any mother would and besides, your father wanted to make sure you had this" my mom explained as she then turned around, stepping closer, before suddenly bending down to search for something in her large purse. When she stood up again, I couldn't help but smile largely at the sight... it was my old stuffie, sir Goldie von Hamilton, I even had a whole ceremony where I pretended to knight him and all... he was a golden yellow colour, which I was glad that I took my time to remember, albeit, the name kind of gave it away, but I didn't want my mom to worry about my colourblindness in the mix of my messy life.

"Thank you mom, he means a lot to me" I mumbled, carefully taking the stuffed animal from her, a small smile on my lips, whilst just lovingly staring at the small plushie.

"I know..." she commented happily, but after taking a short pause she stopped and looked to have realised something, pointing a finger at me accusingly "Hey, since when did you stop calling me mommy?" and I snorted at her question, shaking my head at her antics.

"Mom... I stopped that way before the pairing ever happened" I chuckled, not believing how she could've just then realised that and she pouted, quietly muttering something to herself, before saying "Really? Alright, I must've been missing you and your siblings so much that I forgot" out loud for me to also hear.

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