SOLUM

3.2

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Three days later... and I had still not managed to speak to anyone.

I had come to work like usual, making sure that that man wouldn't show up, just in case, and I'd get done with everything that I'd usually work through just on time... but I didn't utter a single word, not even a "Hello" to my boss.

I'd obviously noticed the tension that mister Jung carried himself with when he saw me, yet it wasn't half as bad as the reaction I'd gotten from Seokjin. I just continued working the same afternoon that my actual pairing had popped up out of nowhere, continuing doing what I always did... overworking and keeping my mind busy with other matters... I couldn't allow myself to just let it all out.

"Min Yoongi?" I suddenly heard my boss call out for me and I snapped my head up in the direction of his office, seeing him standing there with a solemn look on his features, a look of empathy prominently displayed. I nodded my head in reply, scared that my voice would falter if I even opened it a little and he mumbled out "We should talk" in a rather soft-spoken tone.

I nodded again, standing up from my chair and following him through the door. He mentioned for me to take a seat and so I did... neither of us making a single sound.

"I think you understand that I've heard the news from Jin?" mister Jung's voice spoke up and I let my vision settle on my shoes, before he continued with "I just want to say that, even if it wasn't particularly well thought out, to cover it up... I don't blame you for it" he added softly and, almost unconsciously, my eyes glanced up to meet his, no ill intentions displayed behind his comforting smile. He was sitting back on his desk, hands interlocked in front of his legs, whilst he carried a rather calm energy around him.

"My husband... well, he can take things to heart a bit too quickly, so please tell me, what actually happened?" he pleaded, wanting to hear the real story, which immediately made my heart race... but not necessarily in a bad way... it was almost a relief to finally let everything out to someone.

I sighed heavily, taking a few deep breaths, before starting with "My pairing was already with someone when I met them... and th-they chose to ignore me, telling me to never contact them, ever... that same day... that was when I first lied about it..." and I began fiddling with my thumbs, not feeling too comfortable, but it was good to not just bottle it all up. I knew that.

My voice was weak from not having said anything for so long, but nonetheless I still continued with "I spoke to my mom over the phone, I described how he looked like and the general gist of my day, but I left out the rest... it was only a few months after that that I first lost my colour vision, it made me realise that I'd fucked up" and to my surprise I heard my boss gasp aloud.

I snapped my head up to see him covering his mouth with his hands, saying "Your colourblindness is because off your pairing?" trailing off somewhat towards the end and I nodded "I felt too ashamed to say anything about it to anyone... and in my mind it was okay to not say the whole truth since there was no way that I'd ever meet them again" I stated with sloped shoulders and I saw how he nodded understandingly, humming to fill the silence.

"I'll speak to Jin... he'll come around, just give it some time" my boss said, sort of ending that topic for the time being and I nodded gratefully, tears already threatening to leave my eyes.

"Thank you mister Jung" I quietly thanked him, clearing my throat to make sure that I wasn't gonna straight out cry. I watched as he let his own eyes rest in his lap, probably feeling the awkwardness rolling off of me.

After a few minutes of just the two of us quietly avoiding making eye contact or even recognising each others' presence, he suddenly asked me "Yoongi... why do we still call each other by surnames?" and at first, all I could was simply stare at him.

Blinking once, then twice, I replied with the question "What do you mean?"

"We've known each other for a long time, you're my husband's best friends and even though you are hired as my assistant, I'd like to believe that we're friends?" he explained his words and I nodded along to what he was saying.

"Yes... I mean, w-we're friends"

꧁꧂

I was sitting with Seokjin... the person who I just a few days prior had regarded as my very best friend... I still did, but at that point I was no longer sure whether he viewed me as such... which was also the reason as to why my breathing was attacking my throat rapidly, my eyes glossed over in fear of losing the person who'd I felt the closest to in the world.

As one of my worst fears was vividly painted out in my head, I heard how Jin broke the silence by saying "I just don't understand why you felt like you had to lie to me about it", his voice faltering towards the end.

"I know it's not an excuse, but lying about it has been my default since the day of my pairing... I've been doing it for so long" I began, my mouth drying out and my throat clogging up. "I-I guess... I just thought that you wouldn't... care about me or... I don't know... I'm just so sorry, I never meant to hurt you or anyone else by it" I rambled exasperatedly and I felt how my heart leapt when our eyes met.

"I kept it to myself so that no one else would have to put up with the aftermath of my emotions and everything that went along with it" I whispered out and after I quietened down, I then heard a deep sigh. Thereafter, Seokjin commented "I would've helped you..." taking a short pause, before continuing with "That's probably what hurts me the most... the fact that you didn't trust me enough to tell me"

"I... Jin... I wished I'd done it differently, but when I first started working here, when I first met you, I was in a deep slump of a messed up and distorted version of reality" both of us had tears slowly rolling down our cheeks after I finished speaking and he hummed between ragged breaths.

"I do understand that... for you, it was still kind of like losing your pairing, just not to something so absolute as death?"

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