The Scranton Branch

Part Two - Chapter 9

Part Two

Chapter Nine

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Karen is back in our apartment and I'm squinting at her from across the kitchen island. She's glaring at me, hard hazel-golden eyes unmoving. She doesn't flinch when I reach towards her to grab my glass of water. Earlier today she'd called me a drunk, and Jim, being the idiot he was, left us at the apartment together because he "forgot" to pick up groceries for taco night.

I wanted her to say something to me first. I honestly had nothing to say to her. She had hurt me in front of the office--my office--and I had been nothing but nice to her previously. A part of me wanted to run to my room and hide until she was gone. Being an adult meant I had to confront my problems. Even if it meant feeling utterly uncomfortable in my own kitchen.

For Jim, I'll try to play nice. That's what I kept telling myself. I was supposed to be his friend and at the very least, his roommate. I had to acknowledge that they were together and that she'd be over in our place every now and then.

"Are you going to say something?" She asks. I raise an eyebrow at her.

"No. Are you?"

"No."

"Okay then," I mutter, taking a drink of water slowly. All of a sudden her face shifts and she looks like she's about to sob. My cup slams on the counter a little too hard, and she jumps. My eyes widen slightly.

"Jim and I are going through a hard time. And you're not helping."

"I'm sorry... I don't understand though. Why am I an issue?"

"He told me he used to be in love with you."

Though this isn't new news, my heart still leaps into my throat, and I nearly choke. Hearing it from someone else makes it even more real. It just sucks that I have to hear it from his current girlfriend.

"Well the keywords are used to. Karen, he's with you now. And he's not a cheater. You shouldn't be worried about it."

"But--"

"I promise. If he wanted to be with me, he would be. He likes you, Karen."

"He doesn't like me," she shakes her head, finger tips clicking on the countertop, "since he moved down here, he hasn't been the same. He isn't trying anymore."

"Well..."

"You know Jim better than anyone. What's his deal?"

My face goes white. Why would Karen be asking me about their relationship when literally 10 minutes ago I thought she was about to fight me about Jim and I living together?

"Uh, I think you just need to give him time. If he truly likes you, he'll put in the effort. I think he just feels weird being back here."

She nods and shrugs, breaking eye contact with me to stare at her nails. I feel bad. No wonder she's been all over him, she feels like she's losing him and they've barely been together. As much as I wanted to comfort her and attempt to be a good person/coworker, I couldn't bring myself to do it. The past few weeks I've been praying for them to break up. Therefore, I'm not qualified to help her out.

In that second, I could hear Jim walking through the door. Both Karen and I straighten up and look towards the hall he'd be coming down. He looks immaculate, as always. I grab one of the plastic grocery bags he's holding up for me and start to unpack the food. Behind me I can hear him kissing her and a small giggle from her.

I no longer feel bad for her.

"So, taco night," Jim starts, grabbing a tomato and a knife. I finish unloading groceries and turn around to watch the couple prep for dinner. It would've been a perfect scene if I didn't know they were having problems. My stomach would be angry with jealousy and my veins hot with a sad anger. But instead I feel nothing. No jealous stomach or angry veins. No crippling emotion. I watch the two of them walk around each other and grab pots and pans to start cooking. Jim doesn't look at me once, his focus on the tacos and Karen. As it should be. Like she wants it to be.

Then, the sudden pain of realizing you're unwanted hits me and I hold myself up long enough to incoherently excuse myself from the kitchen. I've been a third wheel in past relationships with Jim, as he has with mine. But this felt different. This felt...hopeless. All those past relationships meant nothing in my mind. I had buried my feelings for him, and he had buried his feelings for me. And here he is doing it again, moving on with a girl, pretending like I'm not alone in my bedroom.

I feel hopeless. Weak. Loving a man that clearly does not want to love me. All my life I was taught to live for myself. To never let a man hold you back. To never get caught up in a love triangle. I deserve better than that. I deserve better than this.

So if Jim can do it, so can I. Easier said than done. Jim knew me for the real me. He knew me with or without makeup. In and out of the office. Happy, sad, angry, hurt. He knows all of me. Thinking about moving on, just accepting our friendship, and starting over with another man is heartbreaking and cruel. My heart doesn't want to do it again. My heart wants to stay with Jim. But my brain can't take the constant jealousy, the whiplash from being angry to sad. I could no longer sit around and accept that I'm the girl that Jim used to love.

So it's time to move on.

There's a knock on my door and then Jim sticks his head in. His warm eyes and smile vanish upon seeing me spread out on the floor.

"Are you crying?"

Am I? I can't tell. Slowly I sit up and rub my eyes, feeling the moisture on the back of my hand.

"Allie, what's wrong?" Jim sighs, exasperated with my mood swings, no doubt.

In the most bitter way I could say it, "Stop checking in on me, Jim. Go be with your girlfriend."

A little blindsighted, he blinks and rubs the back of his neck. Immediately I realized I probably sound like a baby. A stubborn and pathetic baby. That's good, because maybe then Jim will stop loving me. He lets out a little laugh and slaps his hand over his mouth, eyes wide as he looks down at me. I cross my arms and glare daggers at him.

"Get out of my room, Jim," I say again, venom dripping off every word. He blinks again, stammers a little bit, but then shuts the door behind him.