I'mmortal

Day 2

"Everyone dies. It's just a question of how, where and when."

With dawn slowly breaking, birds chirping, shadows retreating, I woke up, exhausted, unable to peacefully sleep. Every inch of myself, physically was awake, however mentally, I wanted to dream again. To dream within a dream. The world was vast and endless, yet I wanted to make it small again. What did I hope to attain here? I'm starting to forget, as if all my guilt was being washed away. Then in the next, I remembered. Ahh... Not to atone for my sins, no far from it... It's so I can sin evermore. How far down can I go?

What year is it? Month? Gazing towards the bright cloudless sky, I search for answers. How small and insignificant I am, I don't expect to change history... Demo (But) I plan to take advantage of it.

As of right now, I'm at rock bottom. I need to find a reliable source of water. The idea of being next to a river is ideal, however, that is infested with an abundance of insects and its prone to slowly change it's course. I want to live on a hilltop, while still being close to the river. Listing my desires as I moved upward, scouting for my perfect place of solitude.

Would I get sick from drinking poor quality water, now that I think about it. Is it possible to get sick? As I made way through the forest, cutting myself along the way, my wounds healed quickly, like it stitched itself up.

I want! I want! I want! I want. I want. I want... It feels so hollow. As the day progresses, I reach a small riverbank, with trees bent over, shrouding most of in shadow. As I got closer, the dirt was no longer stiff and dry, muddled and as dense as water. Bugs swarmed the area, swatting them as nuisances, moving to drink the water, hoping for life to pop out somewhere. Realizing I had actually went down hill somewhere along the way. Laughing at myself, I look down, eyes heavy. I don't know what I want. A vagabond who came to this world, having lost his reason as soon as he entered. It's punishment.

My mind wanders back and forth, up and down, towards a goal to nothing. Always thinking about the next step which turns into an impossible scenario. Stories of what if this and that. I wonder, if I could do something with this second chance? Thinking about the endless possibilities, but these possibilities never come to fruition...For it will forever remain inside. Slowly fading into nothing but a dream.

With a nearby hill, peaking my interest, I walked towards the direction. Lost in thought. Nowhere to direct my focus thoughts towards. I feel like I'm going in circles, with the sun reaching it's peak. Covered with sweat, cuts and bruises, I never realized I had received, as I reached the peak, the sun had begun it's descent. Another day has passed, how far have I traveled? I should settle here, in this small open field on this hilltop. Looking down, searching for the riverbank, it should be a thirty minute walk down and twice as long up. Scouting again for any signs of civilization, with no clue to where I am.

Anger rose. Two days, with nothing done, I can't do anything without the proper knowledge. If I'm sent back three thousand years, I should be able to find civilization and camouflage with society, learn the necessary skills and then move away. Starting from scratch in this time period is like the stone age, I'll be hundred years behind at best. I don't think I'll last that long alone. I want to be alone, demo (but)... I know I need some kind of connection. It's going to be tough.

These are the types of thoughts I have, blocky, incomplete, short simple. Unfocused, broad, as there was so little meaning to this first part of this journey, I literally have nothing to go off of. Only memories are what I have left.