I'mmortal

Untitled Part 6

"How long has it been since we last met?" I asked, breaking the silence, nervous, thousands of questions popping in and 

"Two winters."

"It's been that long? Time sure flies."

"Mhmm." She agreed, her attention focused on her cup, staring into the reflection of the water within.

"Why were you out there by yourself?"

"

She's just like me.

"Were you sent by god to help those people?"

"God?"

"He didn't come to you?"

"No... He didn't."

"I'm sure God can-"

"He can't save me!" I growled. "He can't save me Abigail."

Then who sent you here?"

"The devil himself."

"I want to die, but I have to atone for my sins."

"I want to live, but I live a life of sin" I replied back.

"Why?" She questioned, stunned by my words. Finding it hypocritical, ironic, stupid. Dumbfounded, she continued onward, "That makes no sense." Standing up to the statement, literally.

Laughing softly, embarrassed, I took her hand, shocked at how soft it was, pulling her back down to her seat. "I did something irredeemable, unforgivable."

"What did you do?"

"I turned my back on everyone who cared for me."

"That's not that unforgivable, God-"

"It's not about god forgiving me." I interrupted, my heart was racing, embarrassed, ashamed, as the memories started to flash back. "Abigail... Did you enjoy your life?"

"I- I don't know."

"I enjoyed my life, but... I couldn't help but live with regrets. At the end of life, I had nothing but regret before I came here. Knowing full well I would be truly alone, I thought I would go insane. Why? Why? Why? Why did I do this to myself? I remember what happened, but slowly began to lose the meaning behind it. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts so much, that when I see you Abi, I can't help but want to make you mine."

Fear instantly filled her eyes, frozen. realizing how close I've gotten, caressing her cheeks, one arm wrapped around her. As other slithered down, I reached out for her hand. "I long to live for someone other than myself. To be saved from myself. Is that not why you are here?"

"I can't give you what you're searching for."

I look down disappointed, hopeless, then I giggled weakly. "It's okay. I knew this was going to happen."

"Kuro..."

"Rest up. You have a long day tomorrow."

I can hear him laughing, mocking me, "What did you expect? What did you truly expect? You had just met her, and you immediately pressure with an entire world's worth of burden. Of course you're going to be rejected. You take and take til there's nothing left."

"I don't know how to give back."

"You never will. Which is why you'll continue to take. Take everything from her, defile her, make her yours."

"Never."

"Kurogane!" A familiar soft voice reached out. "Wake up!"

"I... I can't." Rejecting the idea of facing reality. It hurts. It hurts so much being alone, my chest feels like its going to blow, and even when it does it'll  only mend back emptier than before, only to crush itself again. I wish this was a dream within a dream that was really only a nightmare. "So tired. So tired. So tired of myself. Living with myself, I thought I could put it all behind me, move on, create something to put all my thoughts into, but it won't go away. Writing, killing, smithing, farming, all these things they just make it worse. So tired of keeping it all in. I wished I had taken her for my own, I wish I had told her how I felt. I wish..." The thought of it ended. Like it was blank, void, erased from existence. What did I truly wanted back then? "I wish I could have given her the same thing she gave to me. Hope..." My walls were crashing down, my mind came back to it's senses, it was no longer black, devoid of anything, no... My mind was the remnant of skyscrapers, once as high as the sky could reach, as far as the eye could see, the land once lustrous, was now a desert, only dust and rubble remained, as I sat at the center, alone, forgotten. 

Ahh... I remember now, why I feel so empty, because I chose to run away and hide from my problems, take it out on others, force them into my world, turning them to just like me.

"Stop it!!!" The voice cried out. A figure appeared at the far edge of the horizon. Her eyes shone brightly, sparkling with joy, as she tugged at my sleeve. Waking me from my despair.

"You really are the worst."

What did she mean by that? "Of course I am." Looking away.