Sanders Sides Oneshots That I Might Make Into Books.

Explaining Virgil's Depression

Ships: Implied Virmile

TW: Implied Suicide, depression, kind of unsympathetic almost everyone, blood mention

Italicized: letter

Bold italicized: Virgil's thoughts

Virgil took out his pest paper and the glass pen Remus had gifted him all those years before. His tears mixed with the ink as he began.

Dear Everyone,

I guess I should probably explain... Guys, my depression is a shapeshifter. One day, it is as small as the firefly in the palm of a bear, the next it's the bear.

Hours spent crying in my room when no one thought to check on me. Because I was nothing but a disorder, who had his own disorder to deal with. But no one cared enough to ask, to wonder, to know.

On those days, I play dead until the bear leaves me alone. I call the bad days the 'dark days'.

Laying there, not making a sound, trying to get myself to move, to say something. Staying in bed until 6 pm because my body would not listen to my mind. And then it moved without bid, going to the razors I hid under my bed.

Patton said, 'try lighting candles!'

Late-night talks, that I knew he didn't want to have. That he would pretend to have forgotten about in the morning. Eventually, I stopped going. He didn't understand.

When I see a candle, I see the flesh of a church, the flicker of a flame, sparks of a memory younger than noon. I am standing beside his open casket.

Childish. I had just formed, but he was my best friend, who had been with Thomas since he learned to crawl. I killed him. He says I didn't, but I know it was my fault.

It is the moment I learn every person I ever come to know will someday die.

My day is just sooner than all of yours.

Besides Dad, I'm not afraid of the dark.

How could I be, when up until a couple of years ago I lived in the darkest place in Thomas's mind. When the darkness in my head never really left at all.

Perhaps that's part of the problem. Logan said, 'I thought the problem was that you can't get out of bed.'

Yelling in the hallways because he asked what was wrong and I gave in. He didn't understand.

I can't! Anxiety holds me a hostage inside of my house, inside of my head.

Wondering when this would all be over, and what would happen after.

Roman said, 'Where did Anxiety come from?'

Screaming because he 'was just trying to have fun, and you just had to come along a ruin it. Thomas isn't supposed to have Anxiety because he is perfect.' He never understood.

Anxiety is the cousin visiting from out of town depression felt obligated to bring to the party. Guys, I am the party! Only I am a party I don't want to be at.

A pool of blood surrounding me, a razor on the floor next to me. For all the times I tried and failed to leave. This time I wouldn't fail.

Thomas says, 'Why don't we try going to actual parties? See our friends.'

Talking because I had yet again stolen that opportunity from him. I just wanted to protect him, but he won't understand.