Embers

Chapter 9

I didn't say anything for a while. What was I supposed to say? Every lie I had ever told her, every truth I had left unsaid, it all came flooding to the front of my mind. Had I ever been truthful to her at all? My heart sunk to the bottom of my chest, the guilt finally settling in.

"Everything," I finally said.

"What do you mean?" Jackie asked, letting go of my grip as she leaned back, creating more space between us. Her arms were folded, a worried but slightly angry look on her face.

"I didn't come to this school because I moved." I said softly. "I've never gotten good grades, I never studied for my tests, never did my assignments, I've never been a good artist, I never tried to be anything better than the bare minimum because I never saw myself going far in life. I've always cheated and lied my way to the top, I've always kept secrets because I didn't trust anyone to know that I was expelled, that I almost killed my friend. I didn't want anyone to know what a disappointment I had become to everyone I knew. I didn't want anyone to know that if my dad were alive he would hate me because of the person I've become. Because I am an awful person, and I know it, and I don't know how to stop, or how to fix it. I thought... I thought that maybe by going after The Raven I would find a part of myself I lost a long, long time. But I was wrong, and now my mom's dead and I'm living in a completely different part of a town with someone I hardly even know. My siblings keep trying to help but they're only making everything worse, and I don't know how to fix something that's been so broken for so long!"

Jackie slid forward, hugging me as I cried into her shoulder. "It's all my fault," I whispered between sobs. She didn't say anything, but she also didn't let go.

We sat there for a while. I could tell she was hurt. I didn't blame her. What else could I have expected? I had lied to her for so long about so many things. I hated everything about this situation. I didn't deserve Jackie's love or support, and she deserved way more than I could ever give her. I hated how one sided everything felt. I hated how I now had no saving graces, no benfit of the doubt anymore. I had been stripped down to my core and it was raw, ugly, and hidious.

"I'm so sorry," I sobbed.

"Your mom would've been proud." She whispered.

A burning pain made its way through my chest, but I didn't say anything. I held onto Jackie even tighter, crying into her shoulder. I needed to feel something, to know someone was there. But no matter how tightly I held onto her, something seemed so wrong.

I pulled away. "You're upset," I said softly.

"What? No, of course not." She said.

"Jackie, don't be like me. I know you're lying. You know you can tell me anything."

"Yeah, and I thought the same about you. But after knowing you for almost four years, it's only now that I'm finding out that your mom was a superhero, you were expelled, you almost killed someone, anytime I asked how you were doing you were lying to me."

"You don't know what it's like to be me!" I cried.

"Oh, so just because you grew up with powers in your family suddenly means your problems are more important than mine?"

"Well, yeah, techincally. I lost my dad to this whole superhero thing, my sister's always floating around in my head, my brother's suddenly there whether I want him to be or not, it's hard."

Jackie stood up. "What about me, Natalie? What about my problems? Have you ever thought of that? Other than a few, 'I'm sorry's' I hardly ever hear you talk about me. Heck, if you didn't come to my games I'd hardly consider you a friend at all."