Sirens and Sprinkles

Payback Crime

After Polka did her business, Dave and Roger marched to the police station. They groaned the instant they saw who was manning the front desk.

"What are you delinquents doing here?" Officer Jones said as he looked up from a half-finished crossword puzzle. He curled his lip as Polka barked at him. "And did you really have to bring that mutt with you?"

"Hey, that's not very nice! Dave is a purebred goody two shoes."

Dave stroked Polka's back to calm both her and himself down before answering. "We're here to speak to your boss."

"Get lost. He's busy training the new girl."

"Well, we tried." Roger pulled on Dave's arm. "Come on, I know where we can buy some habaneros that we're definitely not going to spike anyone's coffee with."

Dave didn't budge. "We can wait." He winked at Roger. "I don't know if I can say the same for Polka though. Those Dunkers sure gave her an upset stomach."

Roger smirked as he caught on. "Yeah, I don't think she'll be the only thing covered in dark spots if we have to wait too long."

Officer Jones dragged himself out of his seat with a sigh. "Fine, but I'll have you know wasting police time is a crime."

Minutes later, he returned with the heavyset police chief and a young woman with light brown skin and meticulously braided hair in tow. "What can I do for you boys?" the chief said. In contrast with Officer Jones's ever-present scowl and impatiently tapping foot, he greeted them with a smile dwarfed only by his bushy black beard.

"Something was seriously wrong with the doughnuts we got from Delightful Doughnuts today," Roger said with clenched fists.

"Walt got super sick because of how weirdly spicy they were," Dave said, "so we were wondering if you could investigate and see if they were tampered with."

Officer Jones snorted. "Ignore them, Chief. They've been giving me nothing but trouble ever since I started doing our doughnut runs."

"Then perhaps we should let Maria do the doughnut runs from now on, if that's alright with her. You can be a little... abrasive at times, so I'm sure it was only a misunderstanding."

Officer Jones plastered on a fake smile that would send chills down a lion's spine and said, "Of course. Why don't we let her decide how we should look into this, too? This seems like as good a chance for her to get some experience as any."

After the chief nodded his approval, the young woman he'd been training pulled out a notepad and asked, "Have either of you asked if they were experimenting with a new flavor? I go there all the time, and I've gotten some pretty wild surprises."

"Actually, yeah." Dave pulled out his phone and showed her his texts with Dylan. "The cashier and I text each other sometimes, and they told me they're using a different kind of oil. Nothing else different from usual though."

Maria jotted that down with a smile. "Thank goodness! I was worried Joaquin had gone nuts with the jalapenos again. My family's got a bit of a thing for spice."

Dave chuckled as Roger leaned over his shoulder to peek at his texts. "Walt does too, which is why it's so weird he got so sick."

Maria asked him a handful of other questions about his order and whether Walt had added something to the doughnuts himself before telling the chief, "With your permission, I'd like to retrieve security camera footage from Delightful Doughnuts. I need to get more evidence since it doesn't sound like Walt or anyone at the store intended for the doughnuts to be so spicy."

"Permission granted, Officer Jimenez. I'll go with you to make sure everything goes smoothly."

###

Dylan looked up from wiping off the counter as the four of them entered the store. "What can I do for you?" they asked. They quirked a questioning eyebrow at Dave.

Maria gave them a reassuring smile. "Good evening. We're here to investigate an incident involving your doughnuts. May we please have access to your security cameras' footage?"

"One sec." Dylan jogged over to the back of the store before returning with Mr. Morison.

Dylan's boss narrowed his eyes at the sight of the police and ran a hand through his thinning gray hair. "So you wouldn't help when Roy went missing, but you're chomping at the bit to get involved now that you suspect me of intentionally making my customers sick?"

The chief looked as if someone had just dumped a bucket of ice water on him. "I had no idea he was missing! Is the little guy alright?"

"No thanks to you. Walt found him before we needed to do anything other than let him curl up by the heater."

"I am so sorry, Mr. Morison. We'll do our best to come to your aid in the future. In the meantime, could you please provide us with your security footage?"

"Come with me," Mr. Morison gestured behind him. "We'll need the computer to watch it."

He led them into a tiny office that reeked of cigarette smoke and Febreeze. "Sorry about the smell," Mr. Morison said as his audience crowded around him and struggled not to gag. "I wasn't expecting company."

After some misclicks and grumbled swears, Mr. Morison finally pulled up a recording of the day's security footage. The cameras had captured Joaquin frying up a fresh batch of doughnuts while the display case was still nearly full while teasing a blushing Dylan before they boxed them and gingerly placed them in the dumpster. Roger whispered a quick "Nice!" to Dave before his expression shifted into something downright murderous as Officer Jones entered the feed showing the area behind the store.

He'd glanced around him to make sure he wasn't being watched before smirking, opening the dumpster, and pouring an entire bottle of hot sauce on the doughnuts inside. Then he'd darted around the corner and watched as Dylan led Dave to pick up the doughnuts.

"I knew it!" Roger yelled.

"That's the same creep who told me you guys wouldn't help find Roy," Mr. Morison told the chief with a scowl.

"I don't get it," the chief said with his hand stroking his increasingly tangled beard. "Why would he do such a thing? Why were you getting that out of the trash? And why on earth were those perfectly good doughnuts thrown away?!?"

Dylan narrowed their eyes. "Because Officer Jones told me we have to throw away all of our doughnuts at the end of the day, and it's tradition for the firemen to get free doughnuts once a week."

"There's no such law," the chief said. Everyone's mouths dropped open. "We encourage store owners to give food away at a discount or for free if it's about to expire, but we'd never make anyone toss out food that's still fresh enough to eat."

Maria furiously scribbled down every word they said onto her notepad. "With that in mind Chief Nicholson, I'm afraid Officer Jones is guilty of misrepresenting the law and tampering with food that he knew Dave and his team would consume."

The chief winced. "I'll have to have a word with him." He pulled out a wad of cash from his wallet. "I know this doesn't make up for what he's done, Mr. Morison, but please take this and treat these poor fellows to some doughnuts as soon as Joaquin comes back to work tomorrow."

Dave and Roger left the store while the staff and police discussed the situation further. "Phew, I'm sure glad we got that sorted out," Dave said. "And we didn't even have to do anything crazy."

"Yeah," Roger said. A wicked grin spread across his face. "Now tell me about you and Dylan. How serious are y'all, and what'll it take for you to get them to store the lemon filled doughnuts in a separate case so they don't contaminate the other ones? Don't think that hot sauce could mask that citrusy taint from me!"