Sirens and Sprinkles

A Dish Best Served Stale

That was far from the end of Dave's encounters with his new 'friend'. Officer Jones stood planted in front of the register the next time he went on a doughnut run. He fiddled with his mustache in mock indecisiveness as he examined the doughnuts in the display case. Dave's mouth watered at the sight of the latest addition: a cinnamon sugar doughnut drizzled with caramel and a pinch of cayenne powder.

Minutes dragged on as the officer pondered his order. Dylan's smile strained at the corners as they waited. "Sir," they said, "please place your order or let our other customer tell us what he'd like today."

"You can't go wrong with chocolate glazed," Dave said. He gave him the same smile he'd given Ms. Sanchez when she'd called for the third time that week because her lavender-scented candles had spooked her when their flames' shadows had danced a little too high on the wall. "Those are my favorite."

"One minute. I'm almost done." Officer Jones snuck a glance at the cat clock that was lashing its tail above the counter as if it too was growing impatient. At last, he said, "I'll take half a dozen strawberry glazed doughnuts."

Just when Dave was ready to breathe a sigh of relief, Officer Jones winced. "Tough luck, old sport," he said as he pointed to the clock. "Shop just closed, and county law says all unsold baked goods need to be thrown away at the end of the day."

"Since when?!?" Dave and Dylan chorused.

"Since always." Officer Jones pushed up his sunglasses with the most insulting finger possible. "We just haven't put too much effort into enforcing that until recently, but the chief wants us to start cracking down so that freeloaders don't take what's practically stale anyway. It sure would be a shame if I have to write this place up, don't you agree?"

Dylan mouthed a silent apology to Dave before reaching into the display case. The Dunkers fell into the trashcan like meteors. A half-filled box thudded in next. Last came the doughnuts. Each one hit the trash with a thump and a faint rustle of sprinkles.

Officer Jones nodded his approval as Dylan continued disposing of the doughnuts. "Excellent. Now if you'll excuse me," pink icing dripped from his mustache as he shoved a doughnut into his mouth on his way out, "I have some doughnuts to deliver."

"Guess we'll do without doughnuts this week. It was nice seeing you though," Dave said. "Need any help taking all this out?"

"Actually, would you mind meeting me by the dumpster out back?" Dylan glanced meaningfully at the bulging bagful of doughnuts as they lugged it over their shoulder. "I thought I heard something over there when I was closing up last night, and with all these doughnuts, I'm kinda worried what'll show up."

Dave's muscles tensed, but there was no way he could let them deal with some sugar-crazed wildlife on their own. "Let me grab my flashlight first."

Once he grabbed his impromptu weapon, Dave crept behind Delightful Doughnuts with it held above his head like a club.

The moment they saw him, Dylan burst out laughing. "Wow, I just wanted to make sure you'd have an excuse in case Officer Awful decided to make sure you didn't try anything, but you thought I was serious!"

Dave lowered his flashlight, nearly blinding them until he pointed the beam to the napkin littered dumpster. "Hang on, why would I need an excuse to come back here?"

Dylan untied the garbage bag and extracted a box of doughnuts. "This is why," they said with a smirk. "They're probably super messy from being thrown in here, but hopefully these will still taste okay."

He peeked into the box. One chocolate glazed doughnut, one raspberry-filled, and one cinnamon sugar rested inside, albeit all covered in a dusting of cayenne powder. "Thanks, Dylan! You're sweeter than doughnuts will ever be."

"Aw, it was nothing. From now on, if I can't get to you before the store closes, just come on back here." They patted the dumpster's lid. "I'll keep a backup box in here for you."

"You're sure there's nothing I can help you with? It feels weird for you to go through all this trouble just to get us some doughnuts."

"Could I have your number?" They winked. "That way you can let me know what you want without Officer Awful suspecting anything."