It's been about a month and a half since the Ellie incident. I haven't started feeling any better. My anxiety has skyrocketed, my motivation is nonexistent, and my therapist has moved our monthly sessions to biweekly (a defiant indicator that my mental health has gone downhill and fast) I'm currently in the middle of lunch just picking at my food trying to stay engaged with the conversation but failing miserably.
"What has been up with you the past month?" Logan asked taking a sip of tea from his canteen.
"What?" I asked looking over at him
"You've been so distant, it's kind of annoying."
"Logan! Its not annoying it's just an inconvenience." Maggie said smacking Logans arm
"No it's nothing guys I'm fine. Just been stuck inside my thoughts a bit to much"
"Well get out of your head because it's hard to have a conversation with my girlfriend when she hardly acknowledges my existence."
"Its not that easy," I said quietly
"What was that?" Logan asked
"I said, it's not that easy and if you dont like my company I guess I'll go and sit with some people who do." I said angrily. I took my tray and went over to sit with Tyler and Josh who were two tables over.
"I'm sitting with you guys." I stated matter a factly
"Woah, Y/N what's up?" Josh asked
"Its just Logan, he's getting on my nerves. I dont think he realizes how much I've been struggling the past month and a half and I dont think he would want to deal with me if he did know." I said
"Then maybe he's not a good boyfriend and you should break up." Tyler said
I sighed. I wouldn't deny it, I had considered breaking up with Logan a few times in the past week, but I didn't know if I could do it.
"You're nervous about it aren't you," Josh said
"Yeah, just a bit. How could you tell?"
"You look like Tyler did before he broke up with Jenna. I'm guessing you dont want to lose your friendship but dont want to be dating anymore?" He said
"Yeah, but the thing is I dont think any of them really care about me. I think we all started hanging out because we all love theater and that's it. They dont seem to care about the fact that I'm not okay right now. I mean I'm considering not even auditioning for the show this year." Josh and Tyler both looked at each other in shock.
"Its really gotten that bad?" Tyler asked
"Yeah and its fucking terrifying. I'm losing my love for the one thing that has been a constant in my life outside of my own family."
"Have you told anyone about this outside of us?" Tyler asked
"Just my therapist but the most she's done is push my appointments to biweekly instead of monthly." I said
"Not even Brendon or you parents?" Josh asked. I shook my head.
"Y/N, um I think you should talk to someone outside of just us and your therapist about this." I knew what they ment but I was so fucking scared that I didnt even know how to tell anyone what I was thinking. I mean I was Y/N Y/M/N Urie, my personality was literally theater. And now I didnt think I was even gonna audition for my favorite show of all time.
When the Bell rang I told Tyler to tell Mrs Crosby I would be a bit late. I was going to Mr Armstrongs in hopes that he could help in some way.
"Y/N where are you going?" I heard Logan call to me
"Fuck off Logan I dont want to talk to you right now," I said
"Well if it's like that might as well break up with me right now."
"Fine! It's not like you actually cared about me anyways!" I yelled as I continued to walk to Mr Armstrong's. Was it really that easy?
"Can I come in?" I asked as I knocked on Mr Armstrong's door.
"Of course come on in, what is on your mind." He said
I told him everything I had told Tyler and Josh. He didnt make any true reaction until the end.
"Well I would say that you really have it bad right now dont you." He said
"Well, I would tell you this. Do you think you will regret not doing the show? Do you think that performing could make you feel better or just add more stress and make you feel worse?"
"That's the thing Mr Armstrong, I dont know if it will make me feel better or worse. I feel like I'm losing a part of myself because I dont feel like performing anymore." I said, I was clearly very upset because I could hear my voice cracking.
"Just think about it. Maybe ask your brother or some of your friends for help,"
YOU ARE READING
Thespian A DALLON WEEKES FANFICTION
FanfictionY/N is a Thespian She is also the sister of Brendon Urie When Dallon Weekes starts at their school what will Brendons reaction be to Y/N and Dallons relationship?
