Getting Wilder ✔️

issue eleven: first last date

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I left Wilder's room late in the afternoon. I was happy with the blog that I had published, something that Wilder had shared on his profile. Since basically the entire school followed him, I was sure it would get some amount of publicity.

He had looked shocked when I had written under the pseudonym of 'Clio Derwin.' But I had a certain love affair with the name that still made me blush. My heart felt full when I stood at the front porch of Wilder's place, beaming up at him.

"You should stay for dinner," he said as he leaned against the door frame and gazed at me. "Mom's making pizza."

I chuckled. "No toppings?"

He grinned, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Onions. But you can always pick them away as you do," his eyes glittered softly. "It is my cheat day and I invite you to partake in that."

I shook my head, feeling slightly disappointed that I had prior commitments. "Thanks, but I gotta meet Marien."

His grin disappeared. "Oh," his eyes studied me intently as he spoke. "Where?"

"Brewed," I answered. "I don't really like coffee. But the place is kinda really cu-"

"Like a date?" he asked, glancing at his wristwatch. 

I gaped at him, my brain suddenly working furiously. Was it a date?

"Er...I don't know. It's just coffee."

"Yeah. A coffee date," His voice was impassive enough, but the wishful part of me detected a hint of jealousy behind his words. He shrugged, and I wondered if it was his awkwardness that was suddenly making him shuffle his feet.

I felt my cheeks burning. I hadn't even thought about what it would look to outsiders. "I...didn't really think about that."

He was quiet for a while before he asked, "Do you like her?"

I shrugged, feeling suddenly uncomfortable. I trailed the toe of my sneaker in a small circle on the wooden porch, averting his eyes as I answered. "She's really nice to me."

"Would you...date her?" His voice was soft, weak, almost a plea. I was stunned.

I hugged myself even though it wasn't cold and gently stroked my own arm, feeling the bandage below my t-shirt that he had tied so lovingly. I gazed into his eyes, the memories returning to me. His seductive scent. His drunken lips. His tongue. His warm, intoxicating breath.

I wanted him to ask me to not go with Marien. I wanted him to ask me to stay with him instead.

"I...shouldn't...I?" I whispered in answer, waiting for him to refuse.

He gulped, his eyes dark. I could almost see azure embers behind the dark brown. As if a fire burning with some unsaid agony. He parted his lips slightly and shut them. I found myself drawn to him and took a step forward, entranced. 

He sighed and shook his head, his lips parting again and shutting as if on the verge of saying something. Confessing anything. I was almost sure that he would. However, he looked like he was fighting some internal battle as he finally said, "I'll...see you later, Evans."

I gazed silently as he shut the door on my face. I gaped at the despondent wood for a long time, expecting him to open the door and pull me close. Expecting him to kiss me again like he had last time. Expecting him to ask me to stop.

He didn't.

I turned around and started making my way back the way I had come. My heart sank to my stomach and fell lower, each of my feet feeling like blocks of ice. My ears strained themselves of their own accord, hoping I would hear Wilder's voice. However, I reached the main road and didn't hear him behind me. My heart seemed to break as I realized that he wouldn't call me after all.