Getting Wilder ✔️

issue seven: confirmed b i t c h

I had prided myself on being somewhat of a level headed person. All of that went south and my solitary thought throughout the entire next day remained: 'everything sucks.'

I forced myself to listen to Mrs Jacobs as she went on explaining something about something I didn't care about. I had never been interested in organic chemistry and found myself zoning out again and again in the middle of class. I made a mental note to myself to try to get some studying done when I get home, knowing that I would regret it otherwise.

I managed to get into my senses enough in English class when Ms Roberts made an announcement that excited me a tiny bit. 

Her green eyes flashed, her dark pixie cut hair standing as if electrified as she spoke in a curt voice, "As a part of the creative project, I want all of you to write a short story based on the lyrics of any song that you like. You outline the plot of the story that it narrates and highlight and point out the literary devices, all of them. To be handed in exactly a month from now. Four weeks is more than enough."

There was a collective groan from the class. However, such projects had always appealed to my creative writing side. My heart fluttered a little at the endless possibilities. I made another note to browse through my playlist and find a song that fits.

Cam and Ray seemed almost scared to approach me by the way they kept shooting me dark, furtive glances throughout the day. Considering that I had ghosted them diligently, I could see why.

During my English class, however, I went and sat near them, my heart sinking when they exchanged glances but didn't say anything and the hour passed in painful silence.

I left class immediately after it was over, determinedly walking much ahead of them. I knew they would be exchanging glances again, wondering whether or not they should approach me. But I had more things on my mind.

I spent the entire day glancing over my shoulder, making sure I wouldn't see Wilder and maintaining my distance from my two friends, knowing my heart couldn't take it.

How could I feel so pathetically alone in a building full of hundreds?

By the end of my last class, biology, I realized that I had been acting like too much of a bitch and decided to try and make it up to Cam and Ray. After class ended, I waddled up to where they were sitting at the last bench. They stopped talking immediately when I approached, their gazes fixed on me, their eyebrows furrowed as if in worry.  I wondered if they had been talking about me and realized I didn't need to ponder on that.

"I'm...sorry I've been such a bitch," I began as Cam's lips tilted slightly in a smile. "But...I am really happy for you guys. And would like to make it up to you. What do you say you come to my place tonight? We could catch a movie or something together?"

They exchanged glances again as Cam cleared his throat. It was Ray however who answered, "Er...maybe Saturday?"

I gazed silently at them and felt extremely foolish. They were a new couple and of course, had dates planned. I shook my head and rambled on. "No worries! Good movie!" I shook my head again, feeling my ears warming as they glanced at each other. I spluttered in an attempt to make things less awkward, "Um...sure. Saturday."

I turned and walked away, feeling my face heating up even further. Even though I always had an inkling that they might like each other, I never thought they would go so damn far that they wouldn't even tell me before they got together. It still stung and my guilt weighed me down. I was struggling to find solace in the fact that they seemed happy with each other. 

I went to the library, deciding to borrow some books to do some studying on organic chemistry and maybe also get some coding books while I was at it. It would close soon and I had to hurry.