Getting Wilder ✔️

issue twenty-eighth: oh.

Something was different.

I couldn't quite tell what, and even though the whispers reduced as I left English class with Cam and Ray, their nature seemed to have changed. I couldn't understand why.

"I think Miss Roberts fell in love with you a little, Nic," Ray said, beaming with pride as she grinned at me when we stepped onto the street after school. I shrugged, kicking moodily at a rock. I couldn't understand why my insides felt empty. 

"Yeah man, it was beautiful," Cam nodded encouragingly. 

I wondered silently if either of them realized what the metaphor was, but I didn't ask anything. I was afraid I would start screaming and bawling if I spoke. They didn't know about the elementary school disaster anyway. It had been a part of me I had struggled to forget, and admitting it out loud would only make it harder. As for now, I had done what I could. I would have to try and move on from Wilder Collins again. Try to forget that piece of myself. 

"Nico."

The three of us stopped dead in our tracks at the familiar voice. My heart hammered so loud that I could hear the blood pounding in my ear. I slowly turned around at the source of the voice. Wilder stood a few metres away from us, his eyes brimming with agony unlike I had ever seen. Why were his eyes so dark? Where was the twinkle I was so in love with?

His gaze darted nervously between the three of us before he spoke again, "Nico...can we talk?"

I was quiet. What could he want to talk to me about? About my pathetic feelings for him? I took a deep breath and nodded in spite of my better judgement. I needed closure, however cruel it was. "Okay."

Cam and Ray exchanged glances as I walked over to Wilder, unable to meet his eyes. I felt smaller than my 5' 8". How pathetic must he think I am now?

"Can we walk? I don't have my car today either," he said, his voice measured. Gentle. It made my heart ache. I nodded and we started walking in awkward silence. Worms writhed in my stomach. Would he tell me off again?

"Would you like to come home?" he asked me. I was bewildered that his voice was low, scared. 

I set my jaw and gazed at him, my limbs feeling numb. "Why?"

"Because...I..." he took in a deep breath. When he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper. His eyes seemed to gaze into my very soul until I was breathless. 

"Because I love you too, Nico. I always have."

I gaped at him for a while, unable to comprehend his words. Then, I almost laughed in his face.

I turned on my heel and started walking away, fuming. Was this another one of his 'dares' or pranks? Had he no shame? What did I have left for him to take anyway?

He grabbed my hand firmly. He looked ready to plead. However, I wrenched my arm away from him as if scalded by the way his warm touch still affected my broken heart. He sighed softly, "Please, Nico. Give...give me a chance."

His voice broke on the last word and I turned around slowly, gazing up at him with what I hoped was an impassive face. I didn't know what he could have to say. Every cell in my body told me to refuse him. But my heart was paralyzed, surrendering to his demand. I was weak.

I nodded and he started leading me away and towards his home, somehow cautious. I turned to Cam and Ray as they nodded in understanding and I continued to follow Wilder. After about twenty minutes, we reached his place and he led me inside silently. 

"Are you hungry?" he asked, his voice still low and scared. 

I shook my head and he sighed, walking up the staircase and gesturing for me to follow. I followed him up the staircase and into his room. When he opened the familiar door and went and stood inside, I crossed my arms in front of my chest, feeling surreal. I gazed at the bed, my mind inadvertently returning to how he had kissed me that day.