Getting Wilder ✔️

issue twelve: mashed nugget

That night was another restless one, but for many different reasons. 

I gazed up at the ceiling with a heavy heart. Kailey's words kept returning to me. 

You're a fucking embarrassment.

I shut my eyes and sighed, tossing uncomfortably. Compared to her, maybe I was. I only had my grades to show for myself, and my writing. Although, my writing was so personal to me that I could never share it with anyone.

 'Colourful, beautiful, fragrant,

                                                        like dreams woven in a symphony.
                                                          Will I ever know what they say?
 Perhaps if I listen closely,

                                                                      before inevitably,
                                                                      they wither away.'

Except with Wilder. I had always shown him all the poems I wrote. He had been happy to listen, although he admitted he couldn't give me a deeper literary viewpoint. But it had meant the world to me nonetheless.

You're really just mad because Wilder won't let you suck his dick.

I wasn't mad. Just...confused. And I hated the way she reduced him to something like an object. I didn't want him just sexually. I missed him in his entirety. His warmth. His eyes. His kindness. His gentleness with me. His subtle protectiveness. His dick was just an added perk.

My mom had wanted me to go out with Marien. I could see why. She wasn't wrong. Marien was sweet and incredibly nice to me. But I didn't want to string her along. For once this time, I had wanted Wilder to come to me. Maybe once he knew I hadn't gone out with Marien, he would. But my realist's heart told me the chances of that were next to none.

I don't know what time I fell asleep to the sound of Arfie's snores. I woke up however after what felt like a few hours to some noises. I strained my ears. My heart skipped a beat when I heard that the noises were coming from right outside in the hallway. I rose to my feet and tiptoed across to the door, waiting for my eyes to adjust to the darkness.

I opened it slightly and peeked around. I could see a familiar, shadowy figure in the dim light of the narrow hallway. I walked over to it and saw Kailey reaching for the top, small cupboards that were set in the wall. She seemed to be frantically searching for something.

I walked over to her, curiosity winning over my anger and leaned against the wall as she stopped and turned to face me, her eyes flashing angrily.

"What the fuck do you want, faggot?"

Anger flared inside me. "Matt's dick."

She scoffed and shook her head, her eyes wild with rage. "Get the fuck away from here."

For one wild second, I wanted to heed to her words. However, I gazed at her silently as she started pulling out several glass containers and setting them on the floor. Her hair shifted as she moved and my eyes spotted a dark, ghastly mark on her neck.

"Kay?" I called, my voice a hoarse whisper. She stopped and stood straight, her eyes wide as she gaped at me. I walked over to her, my heart beating in trepidation. The mark looked like it had been inflicted with violence, bruising the vessel below her skin. "Kay, what's that?"